Loud Noises Piss Me Off

There may be a smutty sequal if I can ever be bothered to write it, so right now it's being treated as a two-shot WIP.

And, by the way, no, I was not on crack when I wrote this. I was running on empty, deranged with art-work, and the last drips of caffine just leaving my bloodstream.

...Maybe someone slipped me some crack along the way, I dunno...

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Sanji usualy preferred the quiet when he was cooking. Sure, he didn't need it. If Nami-san or Robin-chan flounced in looking for some polite conversation, he would gladly comply. The peace simply let him think of things other than cooking as he was.

Now, however, was not what Sanji could even consider anything related to quiet.

"Aah...I wanna sing..." Luffy complained, swinging his arms about as he walked around the table, accidentally smacking Usopp on the head as he passed.

"Oi, teme..." he grumbled, having no will to start an argument. Luffy only grinned wider, continuing his small, aimless journey around the galley.

"Oh the sun on the hills is warm on my face~!" he bellowed tunelessly, making Sanji growl, but Zoro grin.

"And I'm almost drunk enough to care~!" he added to Luffy's rag-tag song, adding less rhythm to his baritone voice, visibly pissing Sanji off even more. Usopp smirked, raising his head a little.

"The tales of brave men fall beneath me as I walk~!" he sang loudly, as Chopper clapped his hands.

"I dunno where I'm going, it's difficult to see~!" he shouted, not even noticing the lack of tune in the song as a whole. Sanji lowered his head slightly in a vain attempt at keeping from kicking them all senseless.

"My tummy grumbles and I think 'where'd all the food go?'~!" Luffy continued, obviously enjoying himself. Zoro barked a short laugh before adding on a little more.

"Oops! I ate it already~!" he said loudly. Usopp laughed and sat up straight.

"I'm sure I've been here before...oh no! There's that man with his gun again~!" he joined, recounting an actual mishap on one of their journeys. Chopper giggled hysterically, bouncing in his seat.

"I hope he doesn't shoot me again. Oh! There he goes~!"

"But the sun feels so warm. And I'm so HUNGRY~!!"

"The last of the booze if well and truly over~"

"I'll just have to fight the army for some more~!"

"If only I knew where the hell I was~!!"

"It would be better than falling over that dog that wasn't there a moment ago~!"

"Get it out of the way! I'm on a mission~!"

"I have a thousand men to conquer, just like always~!"

"Even though they all fell over the dog, too~!"

"Stupid dog! Stupid dog! Stupid dog~!!"

"Baka dog! Get out of my face~!"

"Take your cooties somewhere else~!"

"If I see you here again I'll beat you up~!"

"AND EAT YOU~!!!"

"Go get me some booze, aho-dog~!"

"What's that? You're scared of the Great Captain Usopp and his 8000 followers~?!"

"No, you just fell asleep on my leg~!"

"EAT THE DOG! EAT THE DOG~!!"

"Screw this, I'll just drink some more~!"

"Stop humping my leg, dog~!"

"Go away and leave me to sit in peace~!"

"WHY DOES MY FACE HURT~?!"

"The dog sat on it~!"

"No, I think it's cause you fell over, Luffy~!"

"Did you break your nose~?"

"No! I'm fine! STUPID EATING DOG~!!"

Sanji promptly kicked all but one as far out of the galley as possible, rounding on Zoro as he sat his ground, grinning wickedly up at the cook.

"Didn't like the song?" he asked easily, suddenly feeling uneasy at Sanji's own devilish smirk.

The blond leaned down, holding himself just a little above Zoro's sitting form, face half an inch from his own. Golden hair ticked Zoro's nose as Sanji shook his head.

"No. I didn't. You're getting none for two weeks," he said with a simple casual smirk and pushed himself back up, walking back over to his stove, and ignoring the continuation of the song from outside. Zoro huffed, pressing himself back firmly, stubbornly, in his chair.

"Like I care," he snapped, glaring daggers in Sanji's back. The cook only shrugged a little, and reached up to retreive some spices from the rack just above his normal reach, allowing his shirt to ride up ever so slightly. Zoro glared even harder.

Sanji bent low to fetch a pot from underneath the counter, wiggling around more than nessicary. Zoro began to scowl.

"When you're done staring at what you can't have, come here and stir this for me," Sanji called back, now slicing up tomatoes.

Zoro spat poison words about stupid, idiotic, pointless cooks, and complied.

And as Sanji continuously bumped into him, brushed past him, and even came close to kissing him by leaning across him for nothing inparticular, Zoro cursed every God he didn't believe in. Cursed Sanji doubly so, and cursed Luffy three times over.

Two weeks? Sanji knew that Zoro wouldn't last two minutes if he played his tricks.

God damn that stupid dog...

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I...have no idea what the hell made me write this.

WHERE THE HELL DID THAT DOG COME FROM?!?!?!

Plot bunnies are evil at 11.30 on a Tuesday night...