Hearts Afire

Title: Hearts Afire
Author: Despina
Fandom: Saiyuki Hakkai/Gojyo
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine
Word count: 7,672
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Smut. Follow up to Twisting Desire.
Beta: The lovely and patient, Aja. Happy Birthday!!

Summary – Hakkai struggles emotionally with what Gojyo means to him in light of their previous tryst. Gojyo has had enough of Hakkai’s angst.


Hakkai didn’t want to stop Hakaryuu. He knew what would happen when he did. Glancing in the rearview mirror, he studied his unnaturally quiet friend. Hakkai wanted a minute longer to watch, but he ran out of time and he ran out of road. With his realization Hakaryuu might crash, his foot pressed the brakes a little too harshly. Sanzo had to throw up his hands and grip the dashboard to stop himself from hitting the windshield. Goku tumbled over the seat and into the glowering monk’s lap.

“Geez, Hakkai!” Goku complained while he righted himself. “Warn a guy, would you?”

Sanzo pushed at Goku while he grumbled a long line of curses about incompetent drivers.

Hakaryuu had barely come to a complete stop before a grim and silent Gojyo lifted himself out of the back of the jeep and started to walk. Checking the mirror again, Hakkai could see Gojyo’s dejected, hurt gait, hands stuffed in his pockets and shoulders hunched. He looked like a dog kicked by his master. Hakkai sighed.

“His brooding and your inability to focus are beyond annoying,” Sanzo said, kicking Goku to the footwell and stepping out of Hakaryuu. He turned to glare at Hakkai. “Fix it.”

Hakkai smiled and considered explaining that he couldn’t fix it, that what he’d said had made the situation impossible to correct. He changed his mind about further discussion when he saw the hard look in Sanzo’s eyes. Sanzo had declared his expectations and he would ignore any explanation Hakkai attempted.

“I’ll get rooms,” Sanzo said and turned to the inn.

“Hey, Hakkai,” Goku said while he moved into Sanzo’s seat. “Whad’ya do? Why is Gojyo being so weird? When he shows up for dinner at all, he’s been letting me have all the food. He just sits and stares; it’s creepy.”

Hakkai swallowed, and he absently caressed Hakaryuu’s steering wheel but he didn’t answer. Instead, he laughed hollowly and exited Hakaryuu, turning his back on Goku. A sudden, violent ache blossomed in his heart and he attempted to disguise his pain from Goku by rubbing at his chest. The unidentifiable pain happened often of late, ever since he realized he had alienated Gojyo. He had experienced a similar anguish, but on a much grander scale, when he had lost Kannan. Even so, thoughts of allowing a loved one to slip through his fingers for a second time in his life, whatever the reason, left Hakkai feeling desperate and dangerously unnerved. His limiters pulsed against the shell of his ear, literally calming his inner demon.

“Hakkai?” Goku leaned forward, getting closer to Hakkai’s downcast head. “Are you all right? You look kinda pale, like you might be sick. Hey! Now that I think about it, you haven’t been eating, either.”

“I’m fine.” Hakkai ignored the pain in his heart while he busied himself collecting their belongings from the back of the jeep. Goku helped.

“Did ya tell him ya didn’t love him or something?”

Hakkai paused when he heard Goku’s words and leaned against Hakaryuu, he felt his stomach roil, unsure if he would be able to stop his nausea. Hakaryuu keened with worry.

“So that’s what ya did. I thought it was somethin’ like that. Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Gojyo maybe a pervert, but he’s not an idiot.”

Hakkai glanced at Goku. He gazed into golden eyes radiating a fleeting, ancient wisdom. He had seen this phenomenon with Goku before, but it was very rare. “What do you mean, Goku?”

Goku shook his head and grinned. “Even I know how you feel about him and he’s a little smarter than me.” He chewed on his lip. “Hey, don’t tell him I said that, 'kay?”

“Of course.”

“No offense, but sometimes you say and do things you don’t mean. I think you think you’re protecting people or somethin’. You probably mean well when you do it, but I think that sometimes you get confused. Sanzo and me, we get it, ‘cause we know you and you’re our friend… but with Gojyo, it’s different for him and he takes it kind of hard. He gets confused too, on account of he thinks nobody ever really likes him.” Goku frowned with a puzzled look on his face. “I don’t know how to explain it, it’s a little too complicated for me.”

“Give it up, Saru,” Sanzo said, appearing behind Goku and retrieving a cigarette from his pack. “He’ll figure it out when he’s ready. That is, if the Kappa doesn’t bail first.”

Hakkai blinked and panic gripped him. “Has Gojyo said something about leaving?”

“Not yet,” Sanzo answered, while lighting up. “But it’s only a matter of time. If you haven’t noticed, he doesn’t take rejection well.” Sanzo’s glare narrowed. “At least, not rejection from people he cares about.”

Hakkai nodded. You didn't have to be a genius to understand Gojyo's motivations; he always wore his heart on his sleeve. There were particular emotions and discussions about specific times of his life he kept hidden and buried, but they were still visible if you knew what to look for. To Hakkai, Gojyo's emotional scars were almost more visible than the scars on his cheek. Hakkai could identify with sorrow since he had given and taken enough of it for several lifetimes. He had wanted to keep Gojyo safe from more pain, not add to his burden.

“Hurting him was the last thing I wanted.”

“Why are you telling me as if I care?” Sanzo took a drag of his cigarette and glared. “Your feelings make no difference to me. We have a mission to complete, that’s all.” He tossed a key to Hakkai. “There were only three rooms available. You’re sharing with Gojyo.”

“Hey, Sanzo!” Goku jumped out of the jeep and ran to Sanzo’s side. “I think we should stay for a couple of days.”

“Why?” Sanzo frowned.

“’Cause there’s lots of restaurants here and I wanna try everything!”

As they walked away, the last part of their conversation Hakkai heard was Sanzo telling Goku to shut up.


He stood outside the bar and exhaled, steeling himself for what waited for him on the other side of the door. Hakkai had visited three bars searching for Gojyo. So far, four women and one man had propositioned him. He wasn’t one to judge, but he thought this an overly friendly town — exactly the type of place an emotionally wounded Gojyo would find solace.

Stepping through the doors, he was momentarily blinded by the darkened, smoke-filled room. His nose twitched, offended by scents of strong perfume, alcohol and various body odors. Through the cacophony of noise, tinkling glass, raucous conversation and loud, ribald music, he discerned the one sound he wanted to hear: Gojyo’s voice.

Hakkai moved to the bar and turned his attention towards a corner table while he ordered a drink from the bartender. Gojyo was playing poker and crammed in the seat next to him, practically sitting in Gojyo’s lap, was a giggling, buxom, blonde-haired woman. A dark-haired woman stood next to him, her arm around Gojyo’s shoulders and her hip against his side. Gojyo appeared to be winning big tonight, noted by the pile of chips in front of him. Hakkai felt a wave of uncertainty. Gojyo was in his element here, a place Hakkai didn’t belong.

Leaning against the bar, Hakkai considered his best friend. When they had first met, Gojyo was capricious and uncomfortable with Hakkai’s doting and constant presence. They had struggled then, trying to find a balance to their relationship. At the time, they had both been unsure about each other, but neither wanted to be alone. Their continued association grew out of a mutual wish to avoid loneliness and sometimes Hakkai wondered if they had anything else in common.

Things took a drastic change a couple of weeks ago. He liked to think they shared a night of carnal lust in the forest, but that was not correct. Their sexual encounter amidst the trees was not consensual. Hakkai closed his eyes in shame, still unable to accept his actions of that night. Walking alone on a dark path, he’d found himself surrounded by demons. In the heat of battle, an opponent dislodged one of his limiters and during the following bloodlust, he surrendered to his ever-present temptation to revel in his full demon power. Unwisely, he shed his remaining limiters. The ensuing, bloody conflict was short, but when he finished, his reluctance to return to ‘normal’ continued.

Then Gojyo appeared. He had come in fear for Hakkai when instead, he should have been afraid of Hakkai. Hakkai was unable to control his desires. He remembered with clarity, vines, like extended appendages creeping along the ground, touching and feeling everything. A bright moon, peeking through the dense trees, hung in the sky sliver, shinning, and pulsing like a living thing. Overriding all other scents was a tantalizing, sharp, and coppery aroma of blood, causing his heart to pound with excitement. He remembered sounds of the stream and water dripping from his body while he washed away the blood. Finally, there was the marvelous taste of Gojyo, helpless and vulnerable, lying on the damp pine needle covered forest floor, naked and needy. It all swirled together in his memory, a passionate dream and a shameful nightmare. At the end of the day, though, the truth was, he had raped his best friend.

He looked up from his drink, over to the poker game. Gojyo was gone. His gazed shifted to the exit and he glimpsed a tendril of blood red hair before the door closed. In his haste to depart and follow, Hakkai carelessly spilled his drink down his arm. Chasing after Gojyo was making him jittery and careless. He disliked being agitated and as he hastily mopped his arm, he could feel that other part, his demon side, struggling to surface.

The night was thick with fog. Lights peeking out from windows looked oddly truncated, as if the glow from lamps had somehow lost a battle with the fog and were now under siege, unable to venture further into the night. Mist and fog served to distort sounds, making them seem far away, or too close. Hakkai noticed all of this, but his focus remained trained on a singular figure on the very reaches of his inferior sight.

Hakkai followed his friend to a different bar, only to watch a different set of girls gravitate towards Gojyo while he played a different type of card game. After a few minutes of Gojyo’s smile and charm, he was welcomed like a regular. Gojyo reciprocated as if he was right at home. Hakkai studied him, realizing Gojyo fit in everywhere and yet, nowhere. He watched closer; Gojyo’s eyes did not reflect the easy smile on his lips, and his seemingly relaxed countenance belied the coiled tension Hakkai noted in his muscles. Hakkai wondered if maybe Gojyo was never at home.

Except… Hakkai knew there were times when Gojyo let down his guard completely. When all four of them played mahjong or cards, alternately arguing and laughing, Gojyo’s garnet-colored eyes would sparkle with happy contentment. There were also times when it was just the two of them and Gojyo, normally the lightest of sleepers, would fall into a deep slumber, secure in his friend’s presence. Then there was Gojyo’s friendly, lazy smile, the smile reserved only for Hakkai. Maybe that was Gojyo’s home. Hakkai chewed on his lip, a wave of melancholy washing over him.

Hakkai finished his drink and considered leaving but Gojyo took that precise moment to look up from his cards in Hakkai’s direction. Their eyes locked for a second before a young woman sat down next to Hakkai, effectively blocking his line of sight to Gojyo.

“You look lonely,” she said and then she smiled.

He felt fury at her intrusion and wanted to tell her to leave, but of course, he didn’t. Instead, he smiled in return and said, “I can assure you, I’m not lonely.”

She reached out and touched his hand. “A handsome man like you all alone? What else would you be?”

“Ah, well,” he began, withdrawing his hand gently; after all, he did not wish to appear rude. His smile remained fixed in place. “I am not lonely.”

Wrinkling her brow and appearing to pout, she said, “You don’t like me?”

“That’s not it. I don’t know you well enough to form an opinion about you,” he answered, trying to look past her mass of curly hair to see Gojyo.

Her smile turned sly and she wiggled in her chair, moving closer to him and leading with her breasts. “Maybe you could get to know me.”

He angled away from her, trying to keep his nose from wrinkling from her liberal use of perfume. He gazed across the room, only to find that Gojyo wasn’t at the poker table any more.

“I’m sorry,” he smiled at her again. “I need to leave.”

She grabbed him around his arm. “Oh, not yet. You haven’t bought me a drink yet.”

Hakkai heard someone sit at the table behind him and he immediately recognized Gojyo’s tobacco and tangy scent. He relaxed, but only for a moment.

“She’s right.” Gojyo’s deep voice, colored with a hint of unpleasant teasing, wrapped around Hakkai like an evil caress. “I think you owe her a drink.”

Hakkai turned, his smile faltering when the girl smiled in gratitude at Gojyo who raised his hand, wiggling his fingers in greeting. Hakkai suspected Gojyo intended the gesture as a humorous taunt; however, Gojyo didn’t look very amused. Gojyo’s intense red eyes contained a decided edge to them. Hakkai shifted uneasily when the woman snuggled into him, her arm looping through his.

“So you’ll buy me a drink? Please?”

Placed on the spot, Hakkai’s reply was stiff but he tried to be congenial. “Very well. One drink.” He raised his hand to summon the barkeep.

She chuckled. “See, I’m not so bad. I’m pretty sure you’d even come to like me in time.”

He could hear Gojyo’s muffled choke of laughter and then in that vexing tone he said, “Don’t worry, buddy. I’ll be happy to get your drinks for you.”

Hakkai watched Gojyo saunter away.

“Do you know him?” The woman asked and her voice was more reminiscent of a purr. “He’s really nice.”

“He can be nice.” Hakkai smiled, deciding he didn’t like his new companion. He glared at Gojyo’s back; at the moment, he didn’t much like Gojyo either. “Nice at times. He can be a handful, too.”

“You make it sound like you two are very close.”

“Do I?” Hakkai did not verbalize that he hardly knew what Gojyo and him were to each other now.

The girl leaned away and tipped her head to one side, intelligence flaring in her brown eyes as she studied him. Hakkai could not help but notice her hair didn’t move; the mass of curls stayed perfectly in place, as if lacquered. Her hair seemed unnatural, it did not flow, soft and wild, the way Gojyo’s did.

“Here we are,” Gojyo said. “Mind if we join you?”

Looking up, Hakkai saw a grinning Gojyo, his arm slung around a young woman who carried a tray full of drinks. Hakkai was getting a very bad feeling about the evening and he was certain Gojyo was up to something. “Ah, of course.”

The new girl, the one attached to Gojyo’s side, giggled and set down their drinks: two each. Hakkai glanced at their glasses and then smiled at Gojyo, who grinned in return.

“So do you play, too?” The new woman asked Hakkai, when she sat down unreasonably close to Gojyo.

“Play what?”

“Poker.”

“Ah, well…”

Gojyo interrupted him. “Yes, he does. He plays many games.” Gojyo winked at the girl next to Hakkai adding, “He’s very, very good so I’d advise you to be careful. He’ll break your heart.”

The woman laughed and wrapped both hands around Hakkai’s arm.

Gojyo grinned and lit a cigarette.

Hakkai ground his teeth and kept smiling.

Up until this night, Hakkai thought awkward was an excellent word. However, in this instance, awkward was a pale shadow, a mere ghost of what he experienced. Watching Gojyo and his girl of the night, Jasmine, was painful. Making small talk with the big-eyed, curly-haired Cosette was difficult and uncomfortable. However, when additional women sat down at the table - drawn by what Hakkai suspected were Gojyo’s pheromones - he thought he needed a new word to describe what he felt. Awkward just wasn’t extreme enough.

He knew he could have left, walked away and gone back to the inn, but something in Gojyo’s eyes challenged him, keeping him firmly in his seat. He knew Gojyo was angry with him and possibly making a point; Hakkai just hadn’t figured out what it was yet. Additionally, Hakkai worried that if he did walk away, Gojyo might never come back.

Another girl joined them and the six other girls shifted around the table, making room. Oddly, there were no women between Gojyo and Hakkai. As the shifting like dominoes continued, Hakkai was sharply aware of Gojyo’s proximity.

“So,” one of the new women, one with blonde hair began, “What do you do?”

Gojyo took a drag of his cigarette and turned expectantly to Hakkai.

Hakkai cleared his throat. “Ah, well… we are traveling west with two other companions. We are on our way to India.”

Cosette observed him intently, unnerving him further. Out of all the women occupying their table, she had turned out to be the most intuitive, intelligent and sensitive. Hakkai’s feelings for her had gone from annoyance, to admiration, to wary. He felt her watching his reactions, weighing his words, and calculating his body language, in essence, doing what he always did. Hakkai had no doubt she would figure him out soon.

“Hakkai? Are you gonna answer her?” Gojyo asked, interrupting Hakkai’s inner thoughts.

He scanned the table, unsure who had spoken or what they had asked. He glanced over at Gojyo, hoping for help, only to see Gojyo’s chin propped up in his upraised hand, smirk on his face. Hakkai looked away, forcing a smile onto his face. “Does anyone need a drink?”

Several of the girls indicated they did. Hakkai made his way to the bar, glad for the temporary respite and relieved he carried Sanzo’s gold card. He leaned on the bar, wanting to leave, but knowing he couldn’t. He had started out the night wanting somehow to make things right with Gojyo, but now he was at a loss. He didn’t know what Gojyo wanted and he didn’t know what he wanted, either. The women were still chattering away when Hakkai helped the bartender bring their drinks back.

“You never did answer me, earlier.” The girl attached to Gojyo’s side began. “What weapon do you fight with?”

“I… don’t have a weapon.” Hakkai was longing for a book and some solitude.

“Gojyo said the four of you were bounty hunters and that you all had fighting skills,” the blonde-haired girl said with a huff. “Gojyo said he fought with a…jaka… no shaku… ”

“Jakujou,” Gojyo finished for her.

“Yes, thank you, Gojyo.”

Hakkai didn’t like the way she said Gojyo’s name.

"I asked what weapon you fought with.” She smiled tolerantly at Hakkai, but her eyes returned immediately to Gojyo.

Hakkai sighed internally. This inane drivel was exhausting and he wasn’t certain how much more of it he could endure.

Gojyo finally answered for Hakkai. “This guy fights with magic.”

“Magic?” Cosette asked.

“Yes, magic and his hands.” Gojyo leaned back in his seat, exhaling smoke at the ceiling. “He has very talented hands.”

While the crowd of women fell to giggling and murmuring amongst them like schoolgirls, something slid along the inside of Hakkai’s right foot and then touched his ankle. Hakkai suppressed his surprise when he realized what caressed him was Gojyo’s shoeless foot. Hakkai’s frantic mind began working so fast he only briefly contemplated how Gojyo had removed his boot. Hakkai turned his head and gazed at Gojyo, a smile in place and a question poised on his lips but Gojyo beat him to it.

Leaning close, he asked, “Why are you here, Hakkai?” Gojyo’s eyes were no longer twinkling with teasing; they were dark red with seriousness. His voice, while low and soft, was also cold and sharp. “I thought I was nothing special to you.”

Hakkai tried, but he couldn’t keep his smile in place. “That’s not what I said, I would never…”

“Then why?” Gojyo’s foot stroked his ankle. “Did you want to tell me something?”

“Yes. I wanted to…” Hakkai swallowed. Gojyo’s touch seemed like such a simple thing, but warm toes on his bare ankle were doing much to affect Hakkai’s thought processes, making them sluggish. He struggled with forming a coherent chain of thought. Finally, he opted for the most difficult path; he told Gojyo the truth. “I don’t want you to leave and… I’m...”

“Yeah,” Gojyo nodded and whispered, “I know.”

He could hear Goku’s words echo in his head, his knowledge of Hakkai’s feelings for Gojyo. He also remembered Goku’s certainty that Gojyo also knew Hakkai’s feelings.

“Hey! What are you two discussing so secretly?” The blonde-haired girl asked.

Stretching his arms over his head, Gojyo leaned back and propped his right elbow on the back of his chair, dropping his left hand under the table. “We were discussing words that should never be spoken, right, ‘Kai?”

Hakkai turned his head to gaze at Gojyo’s relaxed features. Gojyo had called him “Kai.” The relief flooding through him was almost painful. “Yes, never.”

“Really?” Cosette asked, giving Hakkai a knowing look. “I think I know what you mean.”

Gojyo’s hand crept onto Hakkai’s thigh and desire coiled with relief. Only two weeks had passed since their night in the forest, but Hakkai’s body ached with pent-up longing. Images of their wild tryst flooded through his head when Gojyo’s hand slithered under Hakkai’s tunic and cupped his rapidly hardening cock.

Hakkai watched Gojyo dizzyingly handle all six of the women, fielding questions, smoking, teasing, flirting, and holding court while managing deftly to open Hakkai’s pants without drawing any attention. Hakkai didn’t think he could get excited, not in a public place, not with the possibility of the women figuring out what was happening - but he was extremely excited. When Gojyo’s dexterous fingers touched his exposed erection, Hakkai had to bite his lip to keep from moaning.

“Ah… Gojyo?” Hakkai was trying to remain calm.

“Mmm?” Gojyo turned his head languidly to look at Hakkai.

“I… uh.” Hakkai’s words stopped abruptly when Gojyo squeezed him. Gojyo used his thumb, caressing tenderly the wet slit at the tip of Hakkai’s hard cock. Hakkai felt his mouth go dry, he fought to keep his hips still and his eyes from closing in pleasure. Gojyo’s fingers moved cleverly, stroking his cock with the perfect amount of pressure, drawing Hakkai along the path of ecstasy. His pleasure would be quick and he dropped his own hand in an attempt to halt Gojyo’s sly, knowledgeable touches.

Gojyo, however, was very determined and Hakkai realized he had two options. He could make a scene, or he could allow Gojyo to finish. Releasing Gojyo’s hand, Hakkai sat back and shifted slightly to spread his knees. Given free reign, Gojyo’s strokes became bolder and more tantalizing. No, this wouldn’t take long at all. Insipid chatter became only a dull murmur compared to the roaring sound in his ears and Hakkai’s vision blurred. His orgasm caused him to curl forward and moan, but he managed to keep from crying out.

With a smirk on his face, Gojyo asked, “Something wrong? You look a little flushed.”

He took a minute to catch his breath, finally managing to say, “I think I might need to go back to the inn.”

“So soon?” Cosette asked .

The annoying blonde-haired woman asked, “But you’ll stay, right Gojyo?”

Hakkai decided he really didn’t like her.

“Sorry girls, much as I’d love to stay and talk, Hakkai always comes first.” Gojyo answered, withdrawing his hand. He grinned at Hakkai. “Right?”

“Ah, um. I suppose.” Hakkai shifted under the table, immediately missing Gojyo’s touch. He attempted to redress discreetly, glad his long tunic would hide the wet spot on his pants. The Inn seemed very far away.

“Let’s take you outside; the fresh air will help clear your head. Maybe you just had too much to drink.” Gojyo set his elbow on the table and licked a couple of his glistening fingers.

“Yes,” Hakkai said. Watching Gojyo’s tongue did not help his situation. He felt lightheaded and confused. Hakkai fleetingly wondered if this was Gojyo’s power, if this was his sexual seduction. If so, he could understand how frightening that power could be. At the moment, Hakkai would let Gojyo do anything to him. Absolutely anything.

“Good night, Ladies.”

“Ohhhh!” The girls whined together, almost as one.

Gojyo stood and then slipped his arm around Hakkai’s waist. “Come on, ‘Kai. I’ll take you home.”

Hakkai stood; his knees were weak and he gratefully placed his arm around Gojyo’s neck and leaned against him. Body heat and Gojyo’s scent was further titillating, causing Hakkai’s cock to ache again. “Gojyo, I need…”

“Shh, I know,” Gojyo whispered into his ear. “Come on.”

Once they were outside, Hakkai paused, still holding onto Gojyo but also steadying himself against the tavern wall. He gazed at Gojyo, noting how striking his looks were. Hakkai was definitely under Gojyo’s spell. “Is this how you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Seduce people. Do you exude some sort of scent or sound we are unaware of?”

Gojyo blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“Gojyo, I want you to…”

Gojyo laughed. “’Kai, I don’t do anything. I’m charming, hot, and know my way around in the bedroom, but I don’t do anything demon-like to woo people. I thought you knew that about me.”

“But that would mean I... that I’m…”

“That you want me without any outside influence? Yep, I’m ‘fraid so.” Gojyo’s hand stroked Hakkai’s side. “Is that really a problem?”

Hakkai sighed. His erection was raging again and he still wanted to feel Gojyo’s touch. Blood-red eyes sparkling with lust in the moonlight didn’t help. “Sometimes, yes. I mean, I didn’t think I was… like this.”

“You mean into public sex? Or into men?” Gojyo tugged gently at him, propelling him around the tavern and towards a small park.

“Yes, to both questions.” Hakkai turned his head to look at his friend. “What about you, Gojyo? You’ve always been so protective of your sexuality and then I did that to you.”

“Not this again.” Gojyo’s voice sounded impatient. “I wanted that night, Hakkai, I’d wanted it for a while. I’ve told you that, but you won’t believe me. I wanted it again, but couldn’t because you’ve got the whole thing all twisted up. In your head, you’ve transformed our hot night of mutual desire and passion into something bad and I can’t stand it anymore. Tonight we are fixing it.”

“Fixing it? How?”

Gojyo’s arm tightened around Hakkai, pulling him closer, if possible. “We are equalizing the situation. I’ve been waiting for you to come around and I figure right now is close enough.”

“What do you mean by ‘equalizing’?” Hakkai clutched at Gojyo, afraid to let him go.

After dragging Hakkai a few steps into the park, Gojyo pulled him close, kissing him deeply. Breaking the kiss, Gojyo placed their foreheads together and brushed a hand over Hakkai’s erection. “I think you know what I mean. I feel like I’ve waited an eternity for this night.”

“Gojyo…” Hakkai began breathlessly, his vision swimming and his knees shaking. “Are you certain you aren’t doing something to me?”

“Not yet, but I will be soon.” Gojyo chuckled, backing Hakkai into a huge, ancient tree. “I think this will do.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes you talk too much, ‘Kai.”

Hakkai began to ask another question but before he could say anything, Gojyo covered his mouth with another mind-altering kiss. Gojyo pressed against him and gently nudged Hakkai’s legs apart by slipping one long leg in-between Hakkai’s thighs. When Gojyo’s hips met Hakkai’s, there could be no doubt what Gojyo wanted.

Hakkai moaned; in the small copse of gigantic trees, the sound seemed unnaturally loud. Everything was silent except for sounds of tree limbs creaking under a gentle breeze and their own deep breaths. Fog clung to them and there was a chill in the air, but to Hakkai, the night was full of heat and electricity. His limiters were working overtime, trying to sooth his wild emotions. He didn’t think they would be able to keep up with him.

Breaking the kiss, Hakkai panted out the words, “I want…”

“Shhh.” Gojyo's hands worked on opening Hakkai’s pants.

Once Gojyo he knelt down, tugging Hakkai’s pants down to his ankles. Warm hands gently and slowly roamed over Hakkai’s calves and up to his thighs. Gojyo’s attention to detail was amazing, stopping at spots that caused subtle, almost imperceptible differences in Hakkai — a catch of breath, a twitch of skin, or his fingers tightening slightly in Gojyo’s silky hair. Tender licks from Gojyo’s tongue or delicate touches from his hands concentrated on areas of heightened sensuality, and Hakkai could not help but respond.

Gojyo was good, exceptionally good. Of course, he would be, wouldn’t he?

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Gojyo said. “You gave me so much last time, now I need to do the same. Please let me, ‘Kai.”

Let him? Hakkai nearly laughed aloud. “Gojyo, I’m certain I could refuse you nothing.”

Gojyo wrapped his arms around Hakkai’s bare legs and hugged him. He nestled his head against Hakkai’s groin and rubbed his cheek along the length of Hakkai’s erection. “That’s good.”

Hakkai could only produce a strangled sound of lust.

A wet tongue replaced smooth skin and Hakkai’s head fell back against the tree. Oh yes, he remembered now, Gojyo was good, even better when he wasn’t restrained. Although Hakkai was curious where, in his vast experience, Gojyo might have picked up his blowjob skills. Then again, maybe sex, no matter what form, was simply second nature to Gojyo, like running fast or extra flexibility was to other people. Gojyo's talented mouth moved over the tip of Hakkai’s cock and sucked, disrupting any further thoughts. In the end, really, what did it matter?

Gojyo’s hands curled on Hakkai’s thighs, snaking between them. In response, Hakkai shifted, opening his legs wide and giving Gojyo all the access he could. After a pause on Gojyo’s part, slick fingers caressed Hakkai’s sensitive skin just beyond his balls, and his knees began to shake in reaction.

“Easy, ‘Kai. Stay relaxed.” Gojyo coached, taking turns lapping at Hakkai’s wet erection and sucking gently on his balls.

Hakkai looked down and gazed into intense red eyes. “Simple for you to say. What you are doing is not exactly something I’m accustomed to, Gojyo.”

“You’re doing fine,” Gojyo said while he massaged that hypersensitive patch of skin and beyond. His lubricated finger teased at Hakkai’s opening, barely touching and then puling away.

He sighed when Gojyo’s mouth closed over him again, gliding down until Hakkai felt the back of Gojyo’s throat, and then past, swallowing him whole. Hakkai felt the beginning edges of his transformation and even his limiters working overtime couldn’t halt his change entirely. With his mounting passion, he dug his nails into Gojyo’s back. Gojyo moaned and began to move his head methodically, giving Hakkai more pleasure than he thought possible — until a slicked finger gently entered him, touching a spot inside that caused Hakkai to reel with ecstasy.

“Gojyo,” he gasped, “I’m coming.” His body shuddered in release and he gripped Gojyo’s shoulders, attempting to keep himself upright.

After taking his time and languidly licking Hakkai’s skin clean, Gojyo helped redress him. Reversing the movements of only moments ago, Gojyo refastened buttons and zippers on Hakkai’s pants and smoothed down his rumpled tunic. Finally, Gojyo stood up, settled a steadying arm around Hakkai and kissed him.

Hakkai could taste his own salty-bitterness and he found himself strangely turned on. Smelling blood, he opened his eyes. “Gojyo, did I…?”

“It’s nothing,” Gojyo said, touching Hakkai’s cheek with tenderness. “Come on.”

“But…” Hakkai was confused, “what about you?”

“We’ll take care of me when we get to our room.”


Sanzo was standing outside smoking when they returned to the inn. He gazed at the two and nodded at weak-kneed Hakkai. “Is he injured?”

“Nah, he’s just a little out of it.” Gojyo grinned. “Too much to drink.”

“Huh. You need more believable stories.”

“I’m fine Sanzo.” Hakkai said, startled at how faint and shaky his voice was. He thought he might actually sound inebriated.

Sanzo took a deep drag of his cigarette and frowned, studying Hakkai closely. “Are you sure?”

Hakkai smiled, his arm tightening around Gojyo. “Yes.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Sanzo’s frown turned to a scowl when his stare moved to Gojyo. “Don’t wake Goku, he just went to sleep.”

“No promises,” Gojyo replied as he opened the door to the inn. “Besides, you enjoy spanking your monkey.”

Sanzo sighed and tossed his cigarette down. “You need some new one-liners.”

Gojyo laughed, steering Hakkai towards the door.

Before they could leave Sanzo asked, “Hakkai, will you be able to drive tomorrow?”

“I… don’t know,” Hakkai answered truthfully.

“You won’t.” Gojyo laughed. “Not if I have my way.”

“Hakkai seems like he’s in desperate need of something, I hope you’re it, Kappa.” Sanzo glared at both of them.

Gojyo opened his mouth but Sanzo raised his hand to stop him.

“Whatever. You will both be ready the day after tomorrow, I won’t accept any excuses and I’ll shoot you if you’re late.”

“Got it, your monkness.” Gojyo said with a grin.

Hakkai stared at Sanzo for a few moments and finally added, “Sanzo…”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

Then the two disappeared into the inn.


“What was that all about?” Gojyo asked when he shut the door to their room.

Hakkai hung on to Gojyo’s arm. “Sanzo gave me a not so gentle scare earlier. That’s why I went looking for you.”

Gojyo untied Hakkai’s sash and pulled his green tunic over his head. “Really? Well, we can talk about Sanzo later.” Gojyo pressed him backwards onto the nearest bed and then climbed on top of him, grinding his sizable erection against Hakkai’s hip. “Right now, I want something else.”

Hakkai smiled, and it was a real smile, full of happiness. “I can tell.”

Quickly removing their remaining clothing, Gojyo scrutinized Hakkai, his warm fingertips on Hakkai's exposed skin made him sigh with contentment. Although they’d only shared one night of intimacy together, Hakkai had missed Gojyo’s touch ever since. Gojyo knew him.

Silken, fleeting caresses on his flesh caused Hakkai’s body to writhe and lift, following the flow of Gojyo’s touch, working to remain in contact with those warm fingers. Gojyo’s voice broke when he asked, “’Kai?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want me?”

“Yes, Gojyo.”

“Can you say it for me?”

“I want you, Gojyo.”

Gojyo kissed him, an intense, sweet and languid meeting of lips and tongues, holding Hakkai in blissful limbo while the world passed around them. When Gojyo finally broke the kiss, he sat up, tossing his long hair behind him and gazing into Hakkai’s eyes. “I’ve been dreaming of you, you know, saying you want me. Will you let me have you?”

Hakkai could see the moon through their room window, visible over Gojyo’s shoulder, strikingly white on the midnight sky. He sat up and faced Gojyo, studying him closely. His lover’s normal bravado was gone and in its place was the uncertainty of a small child, hoping for some return of affection. Hakkai was suddenly aware of the devastating cost his rejection had taken on Gojyo and his throat constricted with regret.

Reaching out, Hakkai gently traced the lines of Gojyo’s facial scars with his fingertips. “I’m sorry, Gojyo. You mean more to me than I was capable of admitting. I was afraid.”

Gojyo’s hand closed over Hakkai’s fingers and he shrugged. “I know ‘Kai. You and me, we’re both a little on the fucked up side.”

Hakkai chuckled. “That’s true. Now, weren’t you going to show me something about your dream?”

Time and motion became a blur and Gojyo moved fast, leaping past the foreplay, preliminaries already completed in the tavern and on their way back here. Hot and shivering, Hakkai sense of self came back when three fingers were deep inside him. Gojyo was tenderly but insistently opening and preparing him. Hakkai groaned with the sensation, pleasure bordering on pain.

“Roll over, ‘Kai. I want you now.”

Hakkai glanced nervously at Gojyo’s large and pulsing erection. Hakkai shook his head. “I don’t think that will fit inside me.”

Gojyo grabbed Hakkai’s shoulder and turned him with not-so-gentle urgency. He leaned forward, draping his body over Hakkai’s and whispering in his ear, “I’ll fit, just try and stay relaxed.”

There was no doubt about it; Gojyo’s cock was huge. Hakkai exhaled, trying to keep himself loose while a burning stretch accompanied Gojyo’s slow invasion. Finally, Gojyo’s flared tip slipped past his tight barrier and they both sighed with the sensation. After a moment of acclimation and some nonsensical words of encouragement, Gojyo pushed forward again, filling him. When Hakkai didn’t think he could take a millimeter more, he felt Gojyo’s hips snug against his ass.

Hakkai felt delirious confusion by what he was experiencing. He was convinced he shouldn’t like what Gojyo was doing to him, but he did. He had wanted to give this to Gojyo, allow his lover and friend pleasure through his body, the way Gojyo had given to him, but Hakkai had never expected pleasure in return. Gojyo inside him was a wonderful, passionate surrender and it gave Hakkai a feeling of serenity he had never expected.

Gojyo wrapped him in a tight embrace. “Fuck, ‘Kai.” When he spoke, Hakkai could feel the words resonate through his own body. “You are hot and tight. You feel perfect.”

Hakkai opened his mouth, but he couldn’t speak. He was full, open, completely vulnerable and all he could do was clutch at the bedcovers.

“Are you okay?” Gojyo asked, his voice filled with concern.

He nodded. “I didn’t think it would feel so good.”

“Then, it doesn’t hurt?”

“At first, yes. A little but…” His speech stopped again when Gojyo’s hips slowly rotated. “Oh!”

“So… that’s okay, too?” Gojyo asked while he rocked inside of Hakkai.

“Yes,” he replied.

Gojyo pulled out almost completely and then slowly, but inevitably, refilled Hakkai. “Good. That’s good because I don’t think I’ll last very long.”

“I don’t think I’ll mind.”

He leaned over, pressing against Hakkai’s back while his hand found and squeezed Hakkai’s quivering erection. “No, I don’t think you will. Are you going to come for me again, ‘Kai?”

His name from Gojyo’s lips echoed through his head, the sound was mind-bogglingly erotic. “Yes, I am,” he managed to choke out, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Gojyo chuckled while he stroked Hakkai’s cock. “Why would you be sorry?”

“Because I’ve already climaxed twice before you were even inside me.” Hakkai ended his sentence with a low growl, feeling his nails and teeth elongate as his orgasm began to crest.

Gojyo’s mouth closed over his ear, teeth and tongue seeking out his limiters, teasing them loose.

“Don’t, Gojyo.” Hakkai panted, twisting his head away, trying not to panic, and his concern disrupting his building euphoria.

“Oh, I won’t,” Gojyo whispered in his ear while a slick hand rubbed Hakkai’s cock, coaxing him back towards ecstasy. “But that doesn’t stop me from wishing to see you again in your feral and sexy glory.”

“I might hurt you without my limiters.”

Gojyo breathed out when he said, “Hell, yeah, you might.”

The sound of Gojyo’s voice, raw with desire, eliminated any remaining control Hakkai had and he pressed back, his hips grinding into Gojyo’s while his orgasm spilled from him. His long claws tore at the bedclothes and a low, keening cry escaped his throat.

“Yeah, fuck yeah,” Gojyo said after Hakkai’s shuddering ceased. Flipping Hakkai over he added, “I need to see your face.” Hooking an arm under a knee and bending Hakkai up and open, Gojyo pressed inside him without any formality or delicacy this time.

Red hair cascaded over Hakkai’s face and neck, velvety tresses caressing his skin. When he gazed into Gojyo’s sparkling eyes filled with trust and adoration, emotion swept through him — complicated, intense feelings Hakkai thought were no longer possible. His throat tightened; what he was experiencing was almost too much for him and all he could do was place his hand on Gojyo’s cheek and sigh his lover’s name.

Gojyo leaned closer, meshing their flesh, threading their fingers, and pressing their lips together while he continued his steady thrusts. Hakkai concentrated, feeling Gojyo harden and widen inside him, hearing Gojyo’s quickened breaths and tasting his salty skin. When Gojyo finally succumbed to it, his orgasm was spectacular. He wasn’t loud, but his whispered words were far more intimate, far more disarming than Hakkai ever expected.

Afterwards, while they were still entangled limbs and cooling flesh, Hakkai broached the subject gently. “About what you said…”

Gojyo quickly cut him off by saying, “Oh hey, I know saying things like that kind of freaks you out, sorry about that. If you’d feel better about it, we can pretend I never said anything. I’m sure you could tell I’m not very good at that mushy kind of stuff anyway. Sorry, ‘Kai.”

Hakkai blinked, focusing his poor vision to the best of his ability. Was Gojyo actually blushing? “You get embarrassed over the strangest things. Why would I want to pretend you never expressed your feelings for me?”

“I’ve never said that to anyone before. I know I shouldn’t have, but it seemed so right…” Gojyo covered his eyes with a hand, “and I just don’t want to scare you off again. You’re too important to me.”

Hakkai was dizzy when he realized the enormous emotional risk Gojyo was taking. He had to clear his throat to speak. “I think you should know, I have every intention of staying right here.”

Gojyo removed his hand and stared at him. “Do you mean… with me?”

“I mean with you, yes. That is, if you’ll have me.” Hakkai caressed Gojyo’s hair. “Perhaps you need to seriously consider what having a relationship with me implies. Upon closer scrutiny, you might not wish this.”

“Why wouldn’t…”

“I don’t share, Gojyo.” Hakkai knew his eyes narrowed and his voice hardened when he said, “No late nights where you come home reeking of perfume and - ahem - other odors. There will be no negotiation on the matter.”

Gojyo’s response was soft. “Oh.”

“I’m afraid I can’t have it any other way, but I won’t hold you to anything now.” Hakkai inhaled and steadied his breathing. His heart was pounding with his terrifying words. After everything, all they had meant to one another, how would he survive if Gojyo decided he did not want this? Hakkai tightened his arms and nuzzled against Gojyo’s neck, inhaling his intoxicating scent, trying to brand this bittersweet moment forever in his memory. “I’ll let you think about it before I ask you if that’s what you want.”

Their room fell silent while Hakkai’s fingers sought constant contact with Gojyo’s skin, making idle, random patterns. So much had transpired between them that while Gojyo slept, Hakkai selfishly took a few moments to reflect on their time together. He hoped they would last, nevertheless, he found himself preparing his heart for the possibility of failure. Their friendship wasn’t in danger, yet now he knew he wanted more.

“Hey, ‘Kai?”

Hakkai was completely lost in his thoughts when Gojyo’s rumbling baritone voice broke the solitude and he struggled to hide his surprise. “Yes, Gojyo?”

Gojyo smiled and opened his eyes. “Has it been long enough?”

“I’m sorry?”

He rolled to his side, facing Hakkai and resting his head on his upraised hand. His smile widened. “You know, have I thought about it long enough before you can ask me if I want to be with you?”

“I guess… if you’re sure?”

“Hell, yeah, I’m sure.” Gojyo’s smile melted. “What about you, ‘Kai? Will you be able to deal with me?”

Hakkai furrowed his brow, thinking about dirty socks, empty beer cans and overflowing ashtrays. They were talking about being more to one another than roommates; they were speaking of a long-term relationship. After a moment of thoughtful silence and Gojyo’s watchful stare, he chuckled and finally answered, mimicking Gojyo words in a very un-Hakkai-like fashion, “Hell, yeah, I’m sure.”

Gojyo laughed aloud and embraced Hakkai. Finally, after two weeks of tension and indecision, no more discussion about what they were to one another was required. Hakkai relaxed into Gojyo’s arms.

“You know, Gojyo,” Hakkai said with a wry smile, “now that we’ve repaired our relationship, Sanzo won’t be able to complain about us anymore.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure we can think of something else to get his holy panties in a bunch. You’re pretty clever when it comes to figuring out what annoys Sanzo.”

Hakkai raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“Uh-huh, if you say so.” Gojyo gave him a lazy, only-for-Hakkai smirk.

His look was so pure and unguarded, Hakkai could not resist kissing him soundly. While their tongues danced and their passion once again blossomed, it occurred to Hakkai that kissing Gojyo would agitate Sanzo far more than fighting with Gojyo would.

He was looking forward to the two of them irritating Sanzo for a very long time.