Yuris Past: a letter to Wolfram

My Past: A Letter to Wolfram
From: Shibuya Yuri

Dear Wolfram von Bielefeld,

I am writing what I can’t tell you in person, due to the shame that it has caused me over the years. Many would say that it’s not my shame to carry because I couldn’t do anything about it, yet it does not change the fact that I do feel it. Later in the letter I will explain why I feel this way.

Fear is another reason. I fear that you might think less of me if you knew what occurred. That fear is also the reason that I had a hard time accepting you as a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé. That will also be explained later in the letter.

Rejection of what I have become, of what I look like the man behind the mask that I carry throughout the day and, only slip when I sleep. You are the only one who has come close to seeing what’s behind it, a child quivering in fear. Do you know what you would do if you really met the person face to face? Would you be disgusted? Would you feel pity, Sympathy? Or would you try to help the boy become the man you see when you look at me? I guess I will never find out because you are not supposed to read this letter until something happens to me. If you did read it before hand though, I would never be able to face you again.

Here’s what happened. When I was ten years old I had been returning home from a baseball game when I saw one of my fathers associates walking as if lost, so I offered to show him where he needed to go, only that is not what happened. I had just given him directions and turned around to walk home when a white cloth was put to my mouth, after that I don’t remember until I woke up in a cell chained to a wall, half-naked.

Looking at my surroundings I didn’t recognize where I was being held. Looking up I spotted my kidnapper. He was standing in front of me outside the cell. He started talking when he saw me awake looking at him. He introduced himself as Randy McDuff, a name I recognized due to the large corporation he owned in Tokyo, Japan. From him I learned that I was bait for what he wanted from my father. I had the feeling even if he got what he wanted he wouldn’t let me go. I turned out t be right. My father gave him what he wanted within two months of my kidnapping, but I was not released. Things only got worse. I received regular beatings. As time wore on, he started raping me. That happened during my fourth month there. From there things went down hill. Now not only was I getting regular beatings, him raping me everyday, me only getting fed every three days, he went so far as to allow his guards to abuse and rape me as well.

This went on for two years. Two years of being chained to a wall, barely fed, or given anything to drink, and the only time I was released from that wall was when they took me to a bedroom, where he, Randy and his men took turns raping me. This of course was a daily occurrence.
I finally gained my freedom when I was twelve years old. Two years that felt like forever to me. The way I escaped was by tricking them into thinking that I couldn’t move. It was a night that Randy brought me food. Walking in he left the cell door open wide and he had forgotten that he was supposed to chain me again when I was fed. Instead he set about taunting me and trying to convince me that it was my fault that I was there, that I had done something bad to deserve being there. When he talked I could tell that he was drunk of his butt and came looking for sexual gratification.When he turned around I was able to slip out of my lose chains and kick him from the back, making him hit the wall with his head, a wall made of brick, knocking him unconscious.
With him out cold, his guards were next. They came in running when he hit the brick wall. When I saw them, I felt a surge of power rise in me; it turned out to be my power over water. I was able to flood the place, and my dragons dragged me out the rest of the way.

Once outside, after I had managed to catch my breath, I knew that I was not far from where he had kidnapped me. In fact, I remembered a cave that I stumbled upon once that was not far, and was well hidden. It could only be seen if needed. I found that out later when I went back and couldn’t find it again. That night was the first of several I spent there hiding, waiting until I knew it safe to return home.

When I felt it safe to go home, or as what I remembered home to be, I rang the doorbell and my mom opened the door. When she did, I believe that she almost had a heart attack, (a condition where your heart stops beating for a little while) that is after she overcame some of the shock. When she got a hold of herself she pulled me into the house and stood there crying and trying to ask questions. When she got a hold of herself again a little she asked me where I have been, how I escaped, a lot of other things. I just told her half of what happened. I left out the part of the rape, she saw the beatings, and lack of nutrition. When I finally told her that I asked if I was allowed to take a bath, which was all. I didn’t ask for food because I learned to block out the hunger during my two year imprisonment.

When my father and brother came back, I was treated the same way, shock, heart attack, getting them selves together, asking questions that don’t make sense, and then relief that I was finally home. Mom retold them what I told her. I just took my self off to my old room to lie down; at some point I fell asleep. I felt safe the first time in two long years. The authorities were called and were notified that I had returned home alive and in one piece.

After that happened, I quit playing baseball, and all other sports that I was involved in. I did lie to Conrad though when I said that I quit because I was benched during the playing season. I couldn’t very well tell him that I was kidnapped and raped coming home from a baseball game. You may not believe me Wolfram but you gave me the courage to play baseball, and outside again, as well as to live my life again unafraid, and finally to laugh, to laugh about the pain I went through, the pleasure that I have known, such as adopting Greta, and your family accepting me as their king and ruler, friend and confidant. I thank you for that. Now your family is my family now and forever.
After that experience I became afraid of males in general. I started getting used to males a year later, just a little though. My father, brother, and Murata were the only males I could be around and not flinch, and/ or shy away from. You and Conrad were the other two. Gwendal von Voltaire is still a touchy subject for me, but I am ok in his presence.

Wolfram that brings me to the end of this letter, one more thing I want to mention is I may not look it but I do keep secrets from everyone. One of the biggest ones is that as Maoh, I hold a contract and bond with all four elements, Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. The power that holds all those powers together is called luminance.

That experience has changed me. You say that I trust easily, which I do, but if you break that trust, you may never get it back with a few expectation. That man took a lot from me, and for that I hope he rots in hell. He is also the reason why its so hard for me to be in a relationship with you. If you could have got over my reluctance then we might have a chance but it would be a long and hard journey, that being if you get a hold of this letter before my death. Also you deserve someone who is whole and doesn’t carry the baggage that I do.

I have said over and over again that I am not gay, I do mean it but not in the way you think. Being gay implies to me that I love men in general which is not possible due to my history and even without it, homosexuality doesn’t bother me. I do love you and at first that scared me but not anymore. I will always love you from afar because you don’t deserve to be burdened with something like my past.
So Wolfram, in closing I am tainted with shame and bitterness from my past, therefore I don’t deserve you even though I do love you. I am not gay, or homosexual as the case may be, I am just in love with one guy and love only one guy, you Wolfram.

While I couldn’t tell you this face to face, I hope that you understand and can forgive me my past actions towards your person. Also if it turns out that I come back in one piece please don’t hold my actions against me. No matter what happens. I will always love you and I will always be there when you need me. Just call out with your heart, the heart that loves me, just as mine and I love you.
Sinserly Yours:
27th Demon King of Mazoku,
Shibuya Yuri Huguka Furi.
Shibuya Yûri Harajuku Fûri