Broken English

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Gundam Universe, just borrowing the characters. The story is real, though some alterations have been made for continuity within the GW characterization.

Warnings: Angst, violence, NCS, not a death fic but it could be interpreted that way, OOC at times, AU

Rating: +15

Pairings: 1+2 /1x2, 3x4, past 13x2

Summary: I don’t own the Gundam Universe, just borrowing the characters. The story is real, though some alterations have been made for continuity within the GW characterization.

Dedication: He knows who he is, and he will eternally be loved…unconditionally <3
Thanks to Psyence for the beta and assistance in getting the details. Thanks to Fishie for some of the beta and unending support.
- - - on a side note, if you have the opportunity to actually listen to or read the lyrics of the songs mentioned in the chapter titles they tie into the story like a soundtrack- - - WW

chapter one
****** Love Me Back To Life ******
Even the faint trail of moon light barely making a chalk thin line along the floor and partially up the wall was just ... too much. Any light, any invasion from the outside world felt like talons shredding his sphere of trepidation. If he had something to cover the crack in the boarded window it would not matter. By now he could not even move off the cushionless sofa. His muscles had atrophied due to lack of nutrition and the stabbing pain in multiple organs paralyzed him as his body, grasping for any protein left, was feeding upon itself. Sanity of any and all sort had long vanished. He writhed on the slats and springs. PAIN - it was all he had felt for the past six months. Externally- internally - emotionally - mentally- thoroughly. PAIN.

Tightening his grasp around his protruding ribcage, gasping for sleep to wash over him, he tried desperately to squeeze his eyes tight enough to make the moon light go away, to make everything go away, to make thoughts- //those// thoughts... those memories GO AWAY! The flash of a face filtered into his distress. A loving face that he used to know. He used to trust. As much as he wanted to see that face again, he would do everything to make sure those eyes never looked upon him. He was not worthy of that love. He was not worthy of anything but his agony. His own mother had even said that, so it must be true.

Numbing waves overcame him. The synapses that fired disjointed patterns of twisted reason through his deteriorating brain found the vision again. Heero. He expelled a shaky sigh. The patterns formed into dreams. Actual dreams, not the nightmares that he battled exhaustion to stay awake avoiding. For the first time in what he remembered of his life he felt peace wrap over him. It was a peace from before //then//. It was as if he didn’t exist before that night, before that //event in time//. Yes, Heero was from that life before this existence. Heero. Heero. Heero.

~*~*~*~*~

It was too good to be true! Duo got into University. Not just any one - Nottles. He had such difficulties in all his classes. All through primary school and college he was defeated by his multiple learning disabilities and dyslexia. Hell, his mum didn’t even think he would really make it through college to get to uni. But now … WOW. Nottles! He had studied so hard and many nights would just give up. Like he, Duo Maxwell, would ever have a chance to advance to anything but local uni?
Those nights Heero would call and ask how the studying was going. Soon enough Duo had his nose back in the books and was scribbling away revising. It was too much to dream for - actually being a real author, not just tapping out slash-fics on an old PC. All thanks to Heero. ‘Ro had already gotten through University and if you talked to him for an hour you would easily believe he knew just about everything. Duo often felt that Heero had too much faith in him and unrealistic expectations. When he would tell him that, Heero reminded him that it was not his own expectations but Duo’s dreams that he was merely reminding him of. He wouldn’t let those twinkling eyes loose sight of the one aspiration they ever had. The perseverance paid off.

Summer went all too fast. It seemed like one minute he was getting the letter of acceptance and the next he was boxing up his things to move two hours north. Two hours away from his flat mates Quatre and Trowa. Two hours away from Heero. It might not seem that far, but considering no one had a car and the train was more expensive then their pocket full of pence could afford he might as well have gone to university on Mars. Some things he just could not take with him. The rented van was full to the brim with clothes, computer items, books and journals, and his pets; 4 lovely felines and two turtles. The other items such as book shelves, sofa, T.V. all became entrusted to Quat and Tro. Next year when he got a standard size flat he would bring the other items back. He would only have his two room dorm for the term, after all, and would need to return to Durshire for the summer.
Trowa and his buddy Tre’ drove off in the van leaving Duo excited and yet hesitant; excited that he was taking a step toward his future and hesitant because he just //hated// meeting new people and trying to make friends. It just, well, was nerve wracking. He was so self conscious about his appearance that if anyone seemed to look too long at him with out speaking he would dash off to the toilet to check if his fly was undone or if something was hanging out of his nose. Not that Duo needed to worry, since folks would often be staring at him because of his attractive features not because of a flaw. Though he was average in height, his slight frame, long thin legs, straight squared shoulders and the slight tilt of his jaw made him appear to be a runway model. The devilish smirk dealt to the masses could be observed as an arrogant sneer, but those who really knew Duo understood it was a combination of a nervous smile and a busted jaw from childhood. Coppery brown hair perfectly coifed over his forehead, where shaped and waxed eyebrows peeked from beneath. Most notable of his features was his clear twinkling lavender eyes framed with thick long lashes that women drooled over in envy and lust. Though to be honest, he preferred it when the men drooled over him instead.

As he came and went throughout the next few days he noticed that all of his neighbors were female. The breezeway became a common hang out so in three days he knew all the girls’ names and they introduced Duo to the guys living in the housing block next to their building. He never bothered to question why he was the only male. It just worked better that way for him, and most likely for many of the guys across the way. Duo had many years experience of prejudice and intolerance because of his sexuality. He wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth.
He had dreaded that classes started the following week. To his surprise they were much easier then he had ever imagined. While in college he was bogged down with 7 courses consisting of 13 classes over his 5 day week, here at Nottles he had 3 courses totaling 6 classes in 4 days and none earlier then noon! That sure left plenty of time for playing SIMs, writing his fan-fics or getting lost in the web and the occasional pub hopping nights, of course. This was the life. Though he really wished Heero was here to experience it all with him. Duo wasn’t as nervous as he had initially been and all of the people were very kind and friendly. It was as if all his flat-mates had known each other for months instead of days. Getting tossed into similar situations of alone-in-a-strange-town has a way of initiating camaraderie. Still it didn’t take the place of having someone ‘know-know’ you. Someone who knows what the different silences mean and could show up with the exact take-out you had been salivating for all day. Someone who had such a past with you that merely walking down the road and spotting an advert could set off hysterics as you both recollect on what would seem to most an unrelated moment. Someone who remembered to ask for every ingredient used in preparing your meal so that you would not ingest something that would cause you to go into anaphylactic shock (and would carry an epi pen around just in case you weren’t as cautious!) Someone that would start humming the tune that was stuck in your head. Someone that you just connect with soul to soul.
Heero made him feel comfortable in his own skin, but more than that – in his mind. Duo had never found anyone like Heero: intelligent, strong willed, compassionate, driven, and positive. He really was one of a kind. He truly wanted nothing from anyone except the truth, and … to be nice to animals. He is the guy that, when all hell breaks loose, you have to have his number on speed dial because he can not only fix the problem but make improvements on what ever the situation is. He really would give a stranger the shirt off of his back and if any one crossed his friends they’d get his fist. No matter how many times Duo did naïve, spontaneous or just plain stupid things, Heero would be there to pick him up and tell him it should get chalked up to learning experience. Duo knew by now he had volumes of so-called ‘learning experiences’ and yet Heero would never judge him. Even if he did the exact opposite of what Heero advised. Beyond that, he would even support him emotionally and offer advice when Duo chose to go off on his own whim. No one had ever given Duo such pure and genuine love. Unconditional. Not even his own mother.
He couldn’t wait to have Heero come stay with him for a mini holiday. First things first, he needed to get the lay of the land and find out what places were best to hang at and which ones to avoid. And, well, maybe do some class work…

~*~*~*~*~

Duo dashed out of the kitchen to answer the phone. In doing so he successfully spun around and walked directly into the door frame and staggered back to catch himself on the counter. When propelling himself forward again, the sack of avocados and apples flung to the tile floor, his fingers entwined in the plastic. Frantically shaking his hand to disentangle the bag and prancing about to not step on his perishables, Duo made way to where the phone rang out the X-Japan tune ‘Celebration’. Produce and sack on the floor, he now was tossing note books, computer games , new kitchen utensils, a cat - everything off of his desk in hopes of finding the phone which had, by now, stopped announcing Heero was calling. Desk bare and no mobile in sight he sat down to recall where he had tossed it after the shopping exploration. Retracing his steps in his mind he got a tingly feeling on his bum. It took a moment to register that the tingle would be Heero and he was sitting on his phone.
“Dude you would never believe what just happened!” Duo answered as he retrieved the bag and put the bruised items back in it.
“Try me, doll. Knowing you … ummm… fall up the stairs again?”
“Are you saying I’m a klutz?” mock indignance in his tone.
“No just a catastrophe waiting to happen. Obviously I was right.” Heero mildly chuckled.
“Weeeeeell”, Duo whipped his braid around as he flopped on his bed, tucking up his feet beneath him, “Not quite, but, OWW!” Duo stopped and pulled his foot out from beneath him noticing multiple cuts and fresh blood seeping from the top of his foot. “What the hell!?!” He jumped up.
“Now what?”
//sigh// “ I sat on a cheese grater and tore my foot up.”
Silence.
Finally Heero let out a laugh. That was Duo for you.

The conversation went on about Duo meeting people and trying to find his way around, the exploits of him getting lost and some of his nights partying at clubs, oh yeah, and his classes. After Duo was done Heero asked when would be a good time for him to visit and meet everyone and spend some time lavishing Duo with love. He really was proud of how far the young man had come from when he had met him. They both knew it was due to the unwavering passion that Heero had for Duo. Yet the upbeat tone of Duo’s voice gave Heero a twinge of jealousy. He knew Duo loved him, but hearing how well he was getting along with out him by his side cast a shadow of loneliness. It suddenly became apparent that they were living in two separate worlds and he just might have given Duo wings only to watch him fly away for good.
“How about the end of October into November? You can help with the Guy Faulks party. I should be able to get ahead in my classes so I can take the week off and not miss anything.”
Heero thought about waiting another two months to see his beautiful face, breathe in his scent and wrap his arms around that lithe body. So long until he could feel that warmth curled beside him and caress the tragic past’s nightmares away while Duo slept.
“Sure… when ever is best for you, Doll”
“And Heero? Um, you know I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I really do love you.”
“ Love you, too. Let me run. I have too meet up with Dorothy in an hour and I need to get ready.”
“Have fun, be careful and tell me all about it.”
“Yup! Bye…”
Heero had a bad feeling. A very bad feeling.

~*~*~*~*~

The following Monday Heero jumped on the computer and saw that Duo had uploaded some pictures onto his MySpace page. It was Duo, very red cheeked and drunk, dancing in a field of young adults. Everyone clad in black and Duo, in true form, in a swirl of green, blue and purple paisley top. His eyes painted with glitter and decals, ringed with black liner that made his iris glare pierce through the crowd to the point of the camera. And flip flops on his feet. Obviously his cheese grater foot too tore up for the babychams he would typically wear.
Another photo of him giggling holding hands with Dorothy. It captured a moment that Heero could only imagine was “I have a great idea…” as they looked like school girls about to dash off to play dress up.
He was beautiful. Not handsome or gorgeous, he was just flat out BEAUTIFUL. Heero missed him even more as it appeared evident he was loosing touch with his long haired love.
The end of October felt infinitely distant and a disturbing twinge in the pit of his stomach was whispering that a reunion would not occur. Heero dismissed it as he tried to reassure himself that nothing in this world could separate the two of them. Duo was bound to him by bonds stronger then life, stronger then fate, and Heero … Heero lived and breathed for the younger man. No, the ill sense must just be a mixture of longing and jealousy.
Heero glanced back at the photos. Duo looked happy. He typed in a comment under vogue Duo who pouted at the camera as he shifted his retro top to expose his shoulder. ‘Hawt, Doll - take it all off. Woo hoo!’ then signed out to go to bed.

He twisted around trying to get comfortable. No matter what position he lay in, the darkness chewed at his stomach. He gave in and reached over to grab the water by the side of his bed. He didn’t realize how dry his mouth was until he had finished off the glass. Sitting with his arms wrapped around his bent knees he rocked slightly as memories took form. Memories that weren’t his, but Duo’s. It was as if he lived them. He recalled the night that the two of them stayed up until dawn and poured out their darkest secrets.

~*~*~*~*~
A.N. Love Me Back To Life title taken from Bon Jovi