I Love Him, I Love Him Not

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. If I did, then it would be a yaoi.

*******: Time skip
xxxxxx: Lemony fresh! This way, for those who prefer not to read it can still enjoy the fic^^


Title: I Love Him, I Love Him Not

'I love him,' Allen mused as he wondered through the halls of the Order. 'Wait. Maybe I don't? I'm not really sure.' The white-haired exorcist wondered aimlessly as a certain redhead ran through his mind. Was he really in love with the Bookman apprentice? They'd just finish a task in a snowy mountain where they encountered a tree that was rumored to 'bring people back from the dead.'

He sighed as he stopped and looked up at the sky. It was a clear and sunny day. A perfect day to relax and perhaps go into town or train or whatever else. The boy was not sure when he really started to have /feelings/ for the redhead. He sighed once more as he wondered what Kanda was doing. "Che." Who really cared about that jackass anyway? What about Lavi? Allen bit his lower lip and wondered where the tall male had gone off to. Was he busy or was he lazing about?

"Morning Allen-kun," came a cheerful voice of a certain Chinease girl as she smiled.

Allen jumped a little as he was brought out of his thoughts and smiled politely at Lenalee, "Good morning."

She giggled a little and smiled, "You seem out of it. Are you okay?"

"Huh? Y-yeah, I'm fine," the teen replied cheerfully. "I was just thinking was all. Nothing really important though." Well, it /was/ important, but he did not want to worry the poor girl. "By the way, have you seen Lavi?"

The female exorcist thought for a moment before replying, "The last time I saw Lavi-kun was at breakfast this morning and then I believe he said something about being chained and shackled to a desk in the library otherwise Bookman would be on his case again."

"Ah, I see," he replied with the usual smile on his face. "Thanks. I will go check there."

"Not a problem," Lenalee stated as she smiled back at him. "Why are you looking for him if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh no reason really. I just wanted to speak with him was all. But uh...If you want to have lunch together later, meet me in the cafeteria," Allen asked in a suggestive tone.

The other exorcist smiled and nodded, "Sure. I will see you then." WIth that said she bid the cursed boy farewell and took her leave.

A sigh of relief overcame Walker as he turned around and started to make his way towards the library. Should he tell the redhead that he had feelings for him? Did he actually /have/ feelings for Lavi? Well, that was why he was looking for him so he could figure out what was tugging at his heart.

*************

Lavi yawned and stretched to relive his mind for a moment from the work in front of him. "Oi, Panda-jiji, can I have a small break? My mind is fried and I need t'walk around before my legs go numb."

Ignoring his usual nickname from his apprentice, Bookman sighed lightly as he looked out the window for the time. It was roughly ten in the morning and they had been working since five this morning. "Yes, I could use one myself," the old man said as he stood up. "We will take a ten minute break and I will return with coffee for us."

The redhead placed that trademark lop-sided grin on his lips as he pratically jumped to his feet. Just ten minutes? Oh well. He was lucky he got the old panda to even say they were allowed to take a break. "Thanks," the exorcist said happily and started his way towards the front of the library. 'I wonder what Yuu-chan or Allen are doing,' Lavi mused and chuckled. 'Perhaps I should go find Yuu and bug him durring meditation.' He frowned. 'On second thought, I don' want t'be decapitated by Mugen today.'

****************

"AHHH!" Lavi flailed his arms as a certain white-haired teen bumped into him as he was walking out of the library so he could keep himself from falling, but failed as Allen fell on top of him, making them both fall to the ground.

Both of them layed in a tangle of limbs as Allen's head was on Lavi's chest. It took him a minute to figure out whose heart beat he was listening to and looked up, a slight blush on his face. "L-Lavi," he whispered. The other male's heart beat was very comforting. The cursed one jumped a little as he got off of the older male. "S-Sorry," the short teen said with a small smile. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking." He offered a hand to the rabbit.

Said rabbit took the younger's hand and stood up. He smiled at Allen and patted him on the head, " 's okay. None of us got hurt."

"R-right," Allen said and shifted his feet a little. Should he tell Lavi? He bit his lower lip a little and looked at the taller male, unsure of what he wanted to say.

"You okay, Allen," the red-haired exorcist asked. "You seem kind of nervous or somethin'. DId ya want to ask me something? If so, then go ahead and shoot. No need t'be nervous man." What wasa the 'sprout so nervous about? It was almost as if he was....No, Allen wasn't about to /confess/ some form of love to him, was he?

The shorter exorcist let out a small sight before speaking. "I..." he looked down and away from the taller one. "I'm not sure how I am supposed to say this, but, I think I have fallen for you." He gulped and expected to be told off, but was relieved when a familiar hand rested on top of his head.

Lavi smiled a bit, " 's that all 'sprout? Jeez. Ya should've said so from the day we met."

"W-What," Allen asked in a shocked tone as he looked up at him.

The redhead chuckled a little, "I was jus' teasing ya." He relaxed his expression into a small smile. "So you think you're in love with me? To be honest, this is the first time I've heard it from someone. It makes me happy, it really does, but perhaps we should try a kiss and see where it leads?" But, Bookman aren't supposed to have hearts. They were just supposed to stand by and record history. However, even if Lavi didn't /love/ Allen, would it be alright to sooth the other's heart by /loving/ him in return? It shouldn't be too hard to do right? As long as he could hide it behind Bookman's back then it would be okay.

Try a /kiss/ to see where it leads? Allen nearly fainted at those words, but prevented himself from doing so as he clung to Lavi's shirt. He really did not think it would be /that/ easy to get the redhead to comply, but he did. "Um...uh....sure," the younger agreed in a whisper with a slight nod and licked his lips lightly.

Lavi nodded and looked around to make sure that no one was watching. He took a deep breath to relax. Of course he has kissed girls before and was kicked for it by his master, but was it any different to kiss a guy? Another breath as he closed what little distance was between them and rose Allen's chin up slightly with his hand to plant a gentle kiss onto the boy's lips. He was right, there was no difference except for gender and body.

The white-haired teen blushed a red that rivaled Lavi's red hair when their lips touched. His stomach was doing flip-flops with 'butterflies', but he liked it. He really did. Allen allowed himself to return the kiss just as gently and put his right hand on the taller male's chest.

The rabbit parted their lips gently. Wow. Allen was not that bad of a kisser for a first timer. Wait. Did he just take the teen's /first/ kiss? Holy shit! Lavi smiled at him as he brought a hand to the beanspout's waist, "So, did you like it?"

Allen blushed even redder, "Y-Yeah, I liked it. How about you?"

"Of course I did," the exorcist replied with his famous smile on his lips. Did he really like it? Well, yeah, but...he wasn't /supposed/ to have. It was /just/ a kiss though. It's not like he was in love with the cursed teen.

The shorter one smiled as his blush faded, "That's good. Say..um...if it's not too much and if you feel the way I do right now. Um..." He shifted his feet a little. "Can I uh...."

Lavi smirked as he knew what the other was going to ask, "You want to come to my room and make out?"

"No," was Allen's immediate reply, but then he realized what the Bookman apprentice said. "I mean...yes. If you don't mind that is."

The rabbit tried his best not to laugh at the immediate 'no' and nodded, "See you at 9 then?"

"Sure," Allen chimed happily with a smile, hugged the redhead, and took his leave.

*************

Allen looked up at the sky. 8:30pm. Should he wear something other than what he usually wore? No, Lavi wouldn't really care. However, he did remove his necktie to feel more comfortable and decided a little bit of cologne wouldn't hurt either. Right then. "You stay in here Timcampy," he said to the golden golem that was about to leave with him. Afterall, /if/ things went /further/ than planned, he did not want the little robot recording things he shouldn't be. The small golem obeyed and stayed put on the pillow.

"Don't worry Tim, it's only for a few hours or maybe one night okay," he said to the golem and patted him gently. "See you in a little bit." With that said, he left his room and headed towards Lavi's.

*************

Once there, the teen knocked on Lavi's door and waited for an answer. He frowned a little when there was none and tried again. No answer. With a third knock, he was awarded with the Bookman apprentice opening the door as he smiled.

"You're early," the tall redhead said as he still smiled. He was clad in boxers and a towel hung around his shoulders.

Allen blushed a little at the half-naked male, "I-I'm sorry, did you want me to come back in a few more minutes?"

Lavi chuckled a little. "Nah, 's okay. C'mon in," he said and opened the door more as he moved out of the way so the teen could walk in.

The cursed exorcist nodded and walked inside as he looked around the room. It was just the same as his save for the bed that was in a different spot along with the windows and dresser. The painting on Lavi's wall was different too.

"Oi Allen, watch out for the," Lavi started, but it was too late. He heard an 'ow' as the white-haired exorcist tripped over a big pile of books, but did not hit the floor as Lavi caught him beforehand. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah. Somehow," Walker stated and allowed Lavi to pick him up and lay him on the bed. "Thanks."

"Not a prob," the redhead said as he discarded the towel onto the floor and climbed ontop of Allen after making sure that the bedroom door was locked.

Before Allen had a chance to say anything or blush to the position he was in, their lips were crashed together into an almost breathless kiss. The boy returned it and parted as he panted lightly. 'A little straight-to-the-point now aren't we,' Allen mused as he wrapped his arms around Lavi's neck and pulled him into a deep kiss with no hesitation.

"Mmm, Allen," Lavi purred after returning the deep kiss and parting. "Give me a sec, no?"

The teen whined in protest, but nodded anyway as his curiosity got the best of him.

The rabbit nodded as he removed himself from the beansprout and blew the candle out in the room. With the moonlight being the only light source, Lavi made his way back to the bed and ontop of Allen to crash their lips into a passionate kiss.

Allen groaned lightly as he returned it and deepened it.

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Five minutes later, Lavi grew bored of playing 'War of the Tongues' and parted one last time so he could start to kiss at Allen's neck gently and start to tease one of the boy's nipples with his thumb and index finger ( he had moved Allen's shirt sometime durring the five minutes).

Allen gasped as his body arched into Lavi's touch and let out a small moan. "L-Lavi," he groaned in pleasure.

The redhead smirked, "You like that Allen? You want me to continue?"

Walker nodded, "Yes, please."

The older male's smirk widened and answered the other with a squeeze of the boy's nipple and another kiss to Allen's neck. The cursed one moaned in response as he arched more. Damn, it felt so good.

After hardening Allen's nipples and leaving a hickey along the side of the boy's neck, Lavi took his time kissing down the naked torso of the other exorcist to see what noises and reactions he could get out of the younger male that just seemed to arouse the redhead further. The older male stopped for a moment above the boy's navel and smiled at the whine of protest. For some reason, Allen just knew how to push Lavi's buttons the right way and the rabbit just wanted more of the boy under him. Said boy wouldn't mind even if he didn't love him, right? Or was that unfamiliar feeling tugging at his heart love?

Lavi took a deep breath as he looked up at Allen who was giving him a look like 'Why the hell did you stop?' and could not help but chuckle a little. "Allen, let me honest with ya before I continue this," the redhead started. "I'm not sure if I actually love ya, 's that okay 'cause I don' wanna do somethin' that we're gonna both regret."

The cursed boy thought for a moment before nodding his head slightly, "Yeah, I'm sure because I feel the same way. I stated earlier that I thought I was in love with you, not that I /actually/ was. So, can you please continue?"

The rabbit laughed and nodded as he caught his breath again. "Sure thing 'sprout," he said and licked Allen's navel, sending shivers of pleasure down the other male's spine along with a rather interesting gasp-moan he got out of it. Lavi then had a smirk tugging on the corner of his lips as he felt Allen's semi-hard member against his bare chest.

"Not so innocent are we," Lavi teased as he undid the shorter male's pants and pulled them off along with his boxers.

Allen hissed as the cold air hit his aching member and blushed as he watched Lavi's eye roam over him as he layed there in all of his glory. "G-guess not," he said breathlessly.

The redhead nodded as the smirk came into play, "Alright, I'll be fair." He stood up for a moment and ditched his own boxers before returning to the bed to kiss Allen as his hand found the teen's hardening cock and started to stroke it. They were clumsy at first since it was his first time playing with someone else's other than his own, but soon he found a nice rhythm that set the male under him into a series of moans between kisses.

Lavi continued stroking him as he decided to lower himself again and licked the tip of the cock's head. Now that sent Allen over the edge. The boy yelped in pleasure as he bucked his hips a little and felt a tightening inside of him. "L-Lavi," he moaned breathlessly.

The other exorcist smirked at this name being said like that and moaned lightly as he felt himself hardening further. He then proceeded to lick the tip of the head again before taking it into his mouth and sucking on it as he flicked his tongue on the sensitive underside of the head. Being awarded with another breathless moan, Lavi removed his hand from Allen's dick and deep throated him, but not to where he would choke himself.

"Oh fuck," Allen moaned out loud as he went to buck his hips again, but was held down firmly by Lavi's strong hands. His insides were tightening even more and he was getting really close. The teen's eyes widened when he felt a certain tongue trail along the entire underside of his cock and he let out a long and strangled moan. "L-Lavi," he moaned again after being sucked hard again. "I'm gonna.." The boy was cut off as it turned into another long moan and he came hard and fast into the older male's mouth.

Lavi pulled his head back as he nearly choked on the hot seed in his mouth and half-swallowed, half-spitted it out so he could clear his air passage way. After a few breathes, he smiled gently at the look on Allen's face and gave a reassuring nod, "I'm okay, don't worry."

The younger male nodded and blushed as he noticed Lavi's hardened dick in the moonlight. "So, how are you going to take care of that," he asked.

The red-haired male chuckled a little as he got up from the bed and walked to the nightstand without tripping over the piles of books, grabbed what he needed from the nightstand's drawer and made himself comfortable on the bed by sitting up and placed either one of Allen's legs on either side of him. He popped the cap off and placed a decent amount of lube on his hands. "This might hurt or give you disomfort," he warned the other and slipped a digit into Allen's entrance.

Lavi was right, it did hurt a little and was a little uncomfortable, but he was thankful that the redhead gave him a few seconds to adjust before moving his finger inside of him. Now it just felt good as he was moaning again and allowed himself to moan louder as the redhead slipped a second finger in. "Hot damn," he moaned and felt himself becoming aroused again at being finger fucked.

The taller exorcist finally removed his two fingers so he could apply more lube to his hands where he rubbed it on his aching member and hooked Allen's legs over his shoulders.

Holy shit! That was /way/ bigger than those two fingers. The boy whimpered a little and Lavi paused after he got the head in all the way so that Allen could adjust. "Sorry," the redhead apologized. "Let me know when I can continue." The teen nodded and, after a few seconds, Lavi was hilt-deep.

"Mmmm....fuck Allen, you're really tight," Lavi moaned and started a slow pace so that he would not hurt the younger one under him.

Allen panted and moaned loudly. "So...full," he moaned and started to move his body in time with Lavi's thrusts. "Damnit Lavi. You're torturing me, go faster and harder."

"Well well, a little anxious aren't we," the rabbit teased. "You might bleed if I do that. Are you sure Mr. Innocent?"

"Innocent my ass," the beansprout muttered and pushed himself hard against Lavi, causing them both to moan loudly. Lavi took that as a 'yes' and moved from the slow pace to a faster and harder one. He was awarded with a yelp that was mixture of surprise and pleasure. With it being Allen's first time, of course the boy was bleeding, but it just seemed to bring him pleasure as Lavi pounded into him non-stop.

Soon enough, the redhead felt himself coming close to release as his hand had found its way to Allen aching cock again to move in time with his thrusts. "Oh fuck," he moaned and slammed deeply into that one spot inside of Allen that sent the beansprout to seeing stars and pratically screaming out Lavi's name.The older one liked it and hit decided to pound that particular spot over and over again.

A few more hard thrusts and Lavi pounded deep into that spot as he came hard and fast inside of Allen as he moaned out the mentioned name in pure pleasure.

Allen released again after a few seconds after Lavi's. This time it was somewhat painful, but it wasn't that bad.

"Hang on," Lavi said as he removed himself gently from Allen's entrance and stood up. He went to the restroom to get a wet wash cloth and returned with it so he could clean Allen up and discarded it like the abandoned clothes.

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Lavi layed next to Allen and pulled him close. "How are you feeling," he asked him.

"I feel tired," the beansprout repiled as he yawned and layed his head on Lavi's chest. "Can we go to sleep?"

The Bookman apprentice nodded as he smiled a little and placed an arm around the other's waist, "Sure thing. Good night Allen." However, he did not get a reply from the other exorcist, as he was already sleeping. Lavi's smile widened and realized that somewhere between the first kiss and sex, he did fall in love with the white-haired teen. He knew it was forbidden to do such a thing, but it happened. Perhaps they could keep it a secret from the old man? It shouldn't be too hard afterall. He nodded to himself as he closed his eye and whispered to the sleeping teen, "I love you."

"Love you too," Walker muttered in his sleep and kept snoozing.

Another small smile tugged at Lavi's lips before falling asleep.