Ambivalence

Ambivalence
By Eline

From the lovely kink meme--a request for Possessive!SuzakuX Lelouch with bitchy C.C. on the sidelines. Jealous of their intimacy, Suzaku tries to stake a claim. Carpe diem, Suzaku, carpe diem.

Snarky bitchy OT3 porn--yeah!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The knight watched as the witch draped herself over the armrest of the Emperor’s chair, all sinuous curves and cat-like golden eyes.

They were accomplices. Maybe more.

That sly smile when Lelouch made a cryptic joke that only the two of them understood. The fact that he had not been able to save his best friend but she had, mere moments after their first meeting in seven years. The compact between them--a literal deal with the devil. Only that this devil was a woman who wanted to die.

Suzaku did not want to understand her. Did not want to see the witch as a human being. It had been her fault that Lelouch had that awful power. But it was also through her that Lelouch was alive. They had opened Pandora’s Box on that fateful day two years ago--the assorted ills pouring out and only a tiny sliver of hope left behind.

He did not want to know that the two of them--fallen knight and witch--shared that hope between themselves in a form of one audacious Britannian prince. But he did and they did and it was irking him to no end. Because he knew it was selfish of him to think like this. Because he knew that he was not a selfless person. Not truly.

The Geass that forced him to live had only revealed him just how many of his choices and actions had been geared towards fulfilling his own desire to die for his sins. A terrible power indeed.

He could not say anything about utilising the wrong methods. Not anymore. He could only watch as a witch cavorted with an Emperor.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Suzaku left the strategic briefing feeling slightly numb. The meeting with the United Federation of Nations would be in three days. That was to be the turning point. The end of the reformist Emperor and the unveiling of a demon king.

As a Knight to the Emperor, his assigned role did not fit him easily. True, they had undermined the system from within and this was merely an extension of what he had done on the frontlines during the conflict with the EU, but he had not seen himself through such a warped mirror before. He was appalled by what he saw. What they had become. All for a promise they had sworn to fulfill.

But he had accepted the price Lelouch had offered.

It had been like a dream. Back in those old ruins where he was confronted with things he had never thought were possible. The kind of out-of-body experience where he seemed to be detached from himself. Where Lelouch had set out this audacious plan and he, Suzaku, had agreed to it.

Now grounded in the reality, Suzaku sought out Lelouch again. For affirmation or something else, he could not quite explain.

In the Emperor’s chambers, he found only C.C. lying on the chaise longue and turned to leave.

“Aren’t you going to wait for him?” she asked, still staring up at the ceiling.

“I’ll wait outside.”

“You should let it out, you know? All that repression isn’t good for you,” C.C. said, uncharacteristically blunt. “Then again, you are Japanese.”

Suzaku turned to look at her. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“I’m not reading your mind . . . You’re just really, really obvious,” she continued as though he had not spoken.

“Not as obvious as others are,” he retorted.

“Make no mistake, boy, he and I are bound by the compact,” C.C. said, sitting upright and facing him. “This isn’t about whose childhood friend he was or who saw him first.”

“Then what is it all about?”

C.C. sighed in exasperation--the most expression he had seen on her face so far. “Lelouch lost his mother when he was ten. He doesn’t find it the least bit odd to be comforted by a woman.”

Already motherless at a much younger age, Suzaku could barely remember her face. But he saw C.C. cradling Lelouch’s head in her lap, stroking his hair and sitting pressed up by his side in an entirely different light.

Marianne, by all accounts, had been very demonstrative of her love for her children.

“He doesn’t have much left,” C.C. continued. “Just you and I--”

It was then that the door opened and the Emperor walked into the room. They turned to look at him simultaneously.

“Whatever’s the matter? Were you discussing me by any chance?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Five minutes later, the 99th Emperor of Britannia was having his mouth thoroughly ravished by his Knight of Zero.

When Lelouch had entered, Suzaku had been at a loss for words.

But C.C. had cocked her head to one side and said, "You're so full of yourself . . . but yes, we were talking about you."

She got up and walked up to Lelouch, leaning into his personal space. “So what am I to you?”

“Other than a bottomless pit for pizza?”

C.C. reached up and hauled his head down to lock lips with him. The familiarity of their movements implied that they had done this before. Lelouch had the grace to look embarrassed when they separated.

"Now what was that for?" he asked.

"A reminder of what we are. The contract. Don’t you forget it."

“That’s not very likely if you’re going to remind me like that, witch,” Lelouch said.

"Suzaku wants to know what he is to you too," C.C. said blithely. Frozen on the spot, Suzaku had to suppress the urge to throttle her. Multiple times.

"Well, he's my knight and best pilot," the Emperor began, turning towards Suzaku. "Amongst other things. I would not have made it this far without you."

Suzaku was silent. Maybe the Suzaku of a year ago might have been satisfied with that, but not the Suzaku of today.

"My oldest friend . . ." Lelouch said, less confidently now. "Though I'm not sure you still want that title."

In another world, Suzaku could have said that yes, he was still a friend. Oldest friend, best friend, of course, even after all this time. Walked out that door and left it at that.

This was not that world.

"What if I wanted all that and something else?" He did not waste any more time second-guessing himself. It was not his true nature, to wait on the whims of others. And there was not much time left.

Which was why he had crossed the floor and looked Lelouch in the eye before pressing his lips against the Emperor's.

What am I to you? Can I trust you to keep to your promise?

To be fair, he gave Lelouch the opportunity to reject him outright. In front of C.C., no less.

Maybe he had known. Maybe both C.C. and Suzaku himself knew that Lelouch would not turn away.

"Get a room," C.C. said from behind them. "Oh wait--"

There was the sound of the lock on the door being engaged. Suzaku was fairly unconcerned with what C.C. was doing, so engrossed he was in this new sensation. Lelouch’s hands were tangled in the curls at the nape of his neck as he responded in kind.

“Is this what you want, Suzaku?” Lelouch asked when they came up for air. Still slightly breathless, Suzaku nodded.

Lelouch locked lips with him again, taking his time to draw it out with teasing touches of his tongue. Suzaku was more impatient though.

They moved a scant few feet over to the bed and Suzaku nudged Lelouch to sit down.

He glanced up at his former friend, ambivalence and uncertainty rising within him again.

I have given up everything to follow you . . .

And Lelouch looked at him, apologetic even as he cradled Suzaku's face with his hands. I know, I'm sorry.

But this was how it was. The past could not be erased. They were not what they thought they once were.

Suzaku leaned inwards, parting Lelouch's thighs as he nuzzled his neck, nipping gently at the soft skin that was exposed for his enjoyment as the Emperor tilted his head back. For all his apparent boldness, Lelouch did blush when Suzaku's hands slipped beneath his robes to undo his trousers. His fair complexion was exactly the wrong type to hide the surge of blood that was colouring his face as his knight's hand closed around his fledgling erection.

For Suzaku, this was more intimate than anything he had ever known. Lelouch could not lie because there was nothing to say. Lelouch could not pretend because Suzaku could feel the flesh in his hands hardening at his touch.

Dark eyelashes fluttering shut, Lelouch stifled a gasp as Suzaku knelt between his legs and took him into his mouth.

Sucking carefully at the head of Lelouch's cock, Suzaku swallowed him in deeper, feeling the length in his mouth becoming engorged and stiff. From where Suzaku was, he could see some movement over Lelouch's thigh.

Beyond the foot of the bed, C.C. was taking off that one-piece restraining suit she always wore. Apparently she had taken one look at what Lelouch had in mind for her and gave the shredded design sheets to Arthur to play with. That woman did pretty much what she wanted, much like his cat did.

She was naked under the suit. Brazenly propping herself up on the chaise longue, she watched them with hooded eyes as she touched herself, tracing each pink-tipped breast slowly before parting her thighs and--

Despite the position he was in, despite what he was doing to make Lelouch moan, Suzaku could not help but feel a splinter-sharp jolt of arousal as she touched herself. He should not be paying any mind to her, Suzaku told himself as he applied his tongue to the underside of Lelouch's cock. Lelouch almost cried out as Suzaku caressed his ball sac before mouthing it slowly. He had intended to draw this out, make Lelouch writhe and pant--and he was succeeding if the impatient hands on his head were any indication.

Over on the chaise longue, C.C. mimed an exaggerated yawn. Boring.

Suddenly incensed, Suzaku got up and pressed Lelouch back into the mattress. He would show her--

Show her he did. Laid Lelouch out on the bed, imperial robes in a disarray. Kissed him breathless. Left marks on that soft skin from collarbone to sternum. All of that and more.

Suzaku buried his face in the juncture of Lelouch’s neck, intent on marking it with his teeth and bit down hard--

Hard enough that Lelouch cried out his name.

Startled back to his senses, Suzaku looked down at the red marks he had left on Lelouch’s neck and chest. He had been too rough. What had he been thinking--if he had even been thinking at all?

It was his turn to be apologetic. Lelouch looked up at him uncertainly as Suzaku gingerly touched the reddening mark on his neck.

"It's all right, Suzaku--you just surprised me," Lelouch said, drawing his knight to him and stroking his hair gently.

He doesn’t find it the least bit odd to be comforted by a woman.

Nor did Lelouch think it odd to comfort his oldest friend like a mother with a child.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into bedsheets as the soothing motion of Lelouch's hand claimed him.

"Don't be," Lelouch said, his hands moving to peel off Suzaku's uniform. "If we start apologising now, we'll be at it all night."

"Aa." The time for apologies was long past. He helped Lelouch to remove his trousers and the other cumbersome regalia so that they would be more comfortable.

Settling between Lelouch’s legs, Suzaku admitted to himself that things were never the same after they had parted ways, all those years ago. Yet this felt like a homecoming as he pressed forwards.

“It’s fine,” Lelouch said through gritted teeth when he paused, afraid to do more harm.

It was like this. Finding a balance between what he wanted and what he could actually do before he lost himself. It was like this between Lelouch and himself. They had hurt each other too deeply.

But Lelouch was urging him on, using his legs to pull him in closer. Like this, like this.

Watching the pair of them, C.C. had her hand between her legs, fingers moving in and out, in and out in time with Suzaku’s movements.

Suzaku did not look up any more. Lelouch was taking him in, gasping with every thrust.

And this--oh this was a beginning.

They would never be what they were before. So they moved on. They were something else entirely now.

“Lelouch!” Suzaku felt the pressure building inside him peak, pleasure and desire combining to make his head spin.

Lelouch was there, holding him close as he climaxed. An anchor on which he clung to as the world upended and turned inside out. That which brought him back again, breathing heavily with his sweat-beaded brow pressed against the long pale column of Lelouch’s neck.

By the warm wetness between them, the pleasure had been mutual. Carefully disentangling himself from Lelouch, Suzaku took the time to kiss him again. Slowly this time. Lelouch smiled at him tiredly as Suzaku lay down beside him.

“Ahem.” C.C. stood over them with one hand on her hip, obviously waiting for them to shift and make room for her.

The bed was more than large enough for at least five people, but Suzaku, however, was feeling contrary as he stared back.

She raised a brow at him, reached down and lifted the familiar black shape of Arthur above the bed. Suzaku moved and C.C. made herself comfortable on the bed on Lelouch’s left.

“You’re a vicious woman,” Lelouch said after watching that exchange.

“I couldn’t let a man get the last word after that,” she said, snuggling down under the covers.

Having made what he told himself was a strategic retreat, Suzaku decided that this round was a draw.

Left to his own devices, Arthur sprawled across the foot of the bed and dozed. Humans had ridiculously complicated mating rituals and it was tiring just watching them.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Notes-from-an-OT3-fangirl:
- Lelouch cannot top when there are more dominant personalities in the room. (I’ve seen fanart of Arthur topping Lelouch . . .)