What Only Dreams Can Fulfill.

Title: What Only Dreams Can Fulfill.
Author: Ice Angel
Fandom: Loveless
Pairing: Kio/Mimiko (OFC) and one sided Kio/Soubi; implied Seimei/Soubi in the past
Rating: M
Prompt: 37. Do you ever think you'd rather be with me instead?
Warnings: Angst, as always pairing should tell you what else to look forward to.
Disclaimer: I don’t own it nor do I imply that I do. I am only borrowing the Loveless characters and world for my fun, only to return them once I have had my fill of them. Sephira owns Mimiko, and she was wonderful enough to let me borrow her for this story! Thank you!!
A/N: Hey! Come on! This prompt just screamed ‘angst!’ at me so I had to go for it. Besides Kio angst is like AWESOME! I know bad me! Anyways I hope you enjoy!

Uhm, this is one of the first 1st person’s that I’ve written, so please feel free to help tell me where I can get better at it.

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“With wings that can't fly
I run up the hill
When I stray from the path
I close my eyes and keep going”
~’Raggs no Chinkonka’ By: Noria (from 07 Ghost)
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My hand runs down a bare back, a back that I know is much too thin and soft to ever be yours. But if I close my eyes tightly and think hard enough, I can almost imagine it being yours. In my mind’s eye the thin, shapely back grows sculpted muscles- muscles that can only be acquired by years of exercise (or battles). Fingers faintly trace over the hairline scars that criss-cross over each other, confusing scars that has always made me wonder.

Yes that’s right you are here right now. Sitting before me on the edge of the bed as you kick off the rest of your clothes. You have given up on the kid, right? It was about time that you realized that he could never please you the way I could. Ritsuka is just much too young; after all he still has his ears. And virgins, while sweet, can never please a person the way that someone who has had experience can.

And so, because of this, you have decided to come back, isn’t that right? Crawling on your knees begging for me to forgive you, as you swear that you want me. You want me to take you.

Gentle caresses become harsh clawing, the way that I know you would love it. And the owner of the back hisses in discomfort, the lithe back arching away from my nails. I refuse to open my eyes to look at the red lines that mar the beautiful canvas before me.

You never liked gentleness right? Even if you swear that you hate pain, you cannot fool me. I watched before when you and Seimei were together and he was never gentle. And your eyes could never fool me- even if you whimpered about how it hurt, I could see in your eyes that you truly loved it.

As I pull my hand away, letting it rest on my knee, I can see you on the edge of the bed, slowly turning to face me as you pull off your glasses before carefully setting them on the table. The smell of cigarette permeates from your skin as I pull you closer as I am again reminded of the horrible habit. But I can’t care about anything else except you as I pull you closer, our lips close to touching.

Fingers comb through soft blond strands as I push them away from your face. I never want your face to be hidden. I plan on watching your eyes every second until you collapse in my arms from exhaustion. Then I want to watch as you drift off to sleep, my arms encasing you in a tight grip to prevent you from ever leaving my side!

Twisting my long fingers I tangle your hair, holding it tightly before pressing my lips against yours. Ecstasy fills my veins as the chaste kiss overwhelms me.

‘Mine,’ is all that fills my mind as I press harder, a questing tongue making me deepen the kiss as it dives into my mouth. ‘Finally, he’s all mine! And I will never share!’

Oxygen becomes a necessity as I pull away, resting my forehead against yours. Still my eyes stay shut tightly, as I gasp for the much needed air. Emotions are choking me up, keeping my lungs from grabbing the much needed air.

“I love you…Soubi” I whisper as I finally open my eyes.

And just that quickly the world around me shatters like a mirror breaking into a thousand pieces. Your reflection shatters and falls to the floor leaving me feel as broken as the tiny pieces. Because instead of where you should be sits a young woman. Blond shoulder length hair is replaced by waist length hair that can only be described as blood purple; the same color as oxygen deprived blood. Instead of the muscular body that I have learned to love, yearn to touch is a beautifully lithe yet curvy body.

“Mimiko.” My mouth forms the words as I comb fingers through her long hair, trying to ignore the tears that fill her beautiful eyes. Guilt fills me as I fail miserably though.

Even though I have never told her about you and about how I yearn to feel every inch of your body, I know that she knows. And still we are together because of our loss.

Slowly I trace her thin arm to her shoulder before rounding along her shoulder blade to the beautifully sculpted neck. Even without being able to see the lettering behind her, I can still trace the elegant writing on the back of her neck.

Kimiko.

Even if the relationships are different, we both have lost someone close to us. I know I have lost you, I shall never be able to touch your body- even if I dream about it ever single night. Mimi, instead, has lost her daughter, tragically.

That was what brought the two of us together; we needed to feel loved, even if it was just a quick one night stand. And now we find it like an addiction, the pain never leaving our hearts. And even if it is through false emotions, spending the night together, we can forget just for a second about the pain that will never leave our hearts.

“Mimi,” I find myself talking before I even realize what I’m saying, “I love you. I do.” And I can only hope that you know it is never true, what I tell her is never true.

But I still cannot hurt her the way you have. I refuse to pierce her beating heart with burning needles that will never stop. A bleeding, pierced heart never stops hurting, even if you hide the pain perfectly. No matter how many months, years it is the pain still stays and it still hurts as bad as the first day.

A smile graces the girl’s face, and for a second my heart lightens. I love being able to make her smile, even if it is through the lies that I spit out through my teeth.

“I love you too Kio,” she whispers, her voice still is as quiet as the first day she came to my bed, reminding me of when I used to sneak girls through my bedroom window in the middle of the night.

Shifting in the bed, and waking me back to the present, she climbs into my lap while wrapping arms loosely around my neck. “I want a kiss Kio,” she hisses at me, her eyes clouding as she grinds her body against mine.

Her hips press against mine, and I can only gasp at the sensations. Sloppily, while trying to catch my breath from her actions, my lips press against hers. This time the kiss becomes vicious as teeth nip and scrape at anything they can reach, tongues fighting for dominance as we try to win the battle.

Finally she backs down, pulling away with the beautiful laugh that makes my heart skip. And for a second I wonder if I am forgetting about you.

Am I learning to be with her?

Learning on how to forget you?

Will there ever be a day when I don’t hurt anymore because I don’t want to be with you anymore?

Part of me wants to scream YES! Yes it will become possible to get on with my life, instead of sitting and watching you try to seduce a child that barely understands half of the innuendo’s that you suggest to him.

Carefully I shift in the bed, turning to lie Mimi on the soft pillows before lying over her beautiful body. Gently, because she is not like you, I cover her neck with kisses and nips. Teeth digging into the beautiful flesh, just enough to leave a mark, before soothing the ache with my tongue and lips.

My hands slide down her neck, fingers barely ghosting the soft skin, as I pull away long enough to watch goose bumps form in their wake, her body shuddering under me as she gasps. Her neck is so sensitive, and it makes it easy to help her along, just by nipping at the soft skin there.

Already her chest is heaving as trail over her large breasts, fingers kneading the flesh. Again I lean back down to kiss at her neck as my fingers twist, flick and knead.

Slowly, as I kiss around Mimi’s beautifully sculpted face (I place soft kisses on her cheeks, her forehead, and her eye lids as the close before leaning back down to kiss those lips that I love), my fingers slide lower. Down her sculpted stomach, pausing long enough to dip into her navel, before sliding around her hips. Fingers slide along her legs, sliding to the inside of her thighs before traveling to the inside of her knees before sliding back up again.

And I can feel her melt until she is nothing but a puddle on the bed, her body easily pliable. Ready for me to do whatever I please with her. I could hurt her badly, a dark side of me realizes, I could hurt her the same way you have done to me. Take out every single bit of pain on her, show her what it is like to be hurt by the person that you trust. That you love!

But I can’t. I’m just too kind, perhaps even too stupid. Or maybe instead of kindness it’s masochism. You always insisted you were no machosist, perhaps you’re right. Maybe the truth is that I am; I’m the idiot that stays around you, even when it hurts me to no end. I’m the one that stupidly waits for you to return. The one that begs to every deity listening above that you will realize that you want me. And only me!

Slowly, lips raining kisses onto the pale, flawless skin I slide down her body until I’m sitting in between her legs, and for a second, as I gather my breath and wits, I allow myself to imagine that I’m in the middle of your legs. That you are lying on your back, teeth worrying your lower lip as you grasp the pillow under your head while gasping for air. Even if it isn’t you, the scene is still just as beautiful as I stare at Mimi.

Carefully I press my fingers inside of Mimi, watching as her back arches elegantly. She is always so responsive, her body so sensitive to my touch, or perhaps she fakes the feelings- forcing herself to feel them to the maximum to loose herself.

Slowly I thrust my fingers inside of her, setting a slow pace, just enough to keep her at the heightened state she’s in. I love this view, being able to watch her as she arches and writhes. Long nails dig into the thick pillow under her head as Mimi cries out in the beautiful voice that can only be hers.

Leaning down I press a kiss to her inner thigh, before licking a slow trail from her lower thigh all the way to where my fingers meet up.

Another cry falls from her lips as she wraps a leg around my shoulders, a silent plea for something more then just the fingers. Her hips thrust faster, her movements becoming jerky as she tries to find something more then what I’m offering her now. Instead of answering her plea, my mouth travels back down her leg, nothing more then a tease.

That’s all I am after all, a tease. I tease Mimi, making her think that I actually have feelings for her. I tease myself for still vying for your attention. I tease Ritsuka by trying to lead him away from you. So why should I be anything else then what I really am, even now, I have to live up to my status in life.

Pushing her leg back onto the bed, I sit up while pulling my fingers out, much to her dismay. She wants more, yet I completely stop. Dark eyes crack open, barely more then slits as she gasps for breath. And I love the rosy tint that has grown over cheeks. The same tint that is slowly spreading along her body. Sweat glistens in the moonlight, making her beautiful pale skin sparkle. Her long hair already sticking to her body, framing her face and chest.

Grabbing her hips, knowing that I need and want this as badly as she does (I’m already at my limit of how long I can wait), I slowly push into her and feel my world crash around me again. Even if I was to close my eyes and imagine as hard as I can, I know that I can never picture you again. Guys and girls are just too different. No amount of imagination is going to be able to change that simple little fact.

And though she feels wonderful and is incredibly tight, my body still yearns to at least feel you once. However as she wraps her legs around my thin hips and thrusts up to bury me completely inside of her, I feel the worries of you disappear again, even if it’s just for a short time.

Breaths fall from my lips in shudders as I try to control my body. Carefully I lie over her, my knees and right arm keeping me above her enough, lips planting soft kisses on anything I can reach. I feel her lips on me, her arms wrapping around my shoulders.

Carefully I pull out, until I’m almost completely out, before thrusting my hips, snapping them sharply back into her. A gasp fall from both of our mouths at the sensation as I set a quick pace. Her body shakes with each thrust as I push into her, and I find myself only able to lie my head against her shoulder as lust fills my body, flows through my veins.

Sharp nails dig into my back and I swear for a second that I can feel blood drip down my back, though I could care less if I am bleeding. Her legs tighten around my hips, knees digging into my sides as her voice becomes louder, a sharp cry actuates each thrust into her.

From experience I know she’s close. That if I keep like this, she will reach her end soon. And for a second fear and sadness flood me, almost over flooding the lust that keeps my body moving.

‘I don’t want this!’ I cry silently as I thrust into her, face burying into the soft skin of her neck, my breath sliding over the porcelain skin. Shudders rack her frame from the double assault, as I am reminded again of just how sensitive her neck can be.

Gasping I stop suddenly freezing my hips and sitting up, hands stilling her hips as she tries to take over where I’ve left off.

“Wait,” I whisper to her before she can complain about stopping when she was so close. Carefully I disentangle unwilling legs before pulling out. My body silently complains just as much as she does, loudly with a winy voice, as I stare down at the beautiful girl before me.

Suddenly I think of an answer, most would never understand my reasoning, it’s still the same person. But I feel almost better thinking about it. At least then I can pretend even if the feel is wrong. Even if it’s still the same person.

Leaning down, careful to not touch Mimi’s body too much, I whisper into her ear, my voice deep with lust. “Get on your hands and knees,” I command, my voice leaving no room for arguments. It doesn’t matter if she wants to or not, she will.

Luckily Mimi smirks as she quickly flops over, sliding her knees apart enough for me. The side of her face presses into the mattress as her arms lie useless on either side, fingers twisting the snowy pillowcase that is just slightly above her head.

This way, though key parts are missing, I am able to pretend a little better. Hands shakily grab the thin hips as I lead her back to me. Quicker, and not as gently as before, I push deep into Mimi, her hips slamming back to meet mine. I cry out, my fingers digging into her soft hips as I try to control my body again. I was already too close to the end before, and her slamming into me so easily brings shudders to my body.

My hips snap at a quick pace as I push deep into her, trying to get my fill of her before I can’t hold on anymore. My right hand tightens its grip as my left slides along Mimi’s spine. Fingers splay out along her shoulder blades as I stare at the glistening back. It’s too perfect. That’s what’s wrong with it, no imperfections at all.

Leaning down, folding my body over hers, I dig my teeth- roughly- into her back, just on the inside of her right shoulder blade. Mimi cries out, her voice muffled slightly by the mattress, as I bite at the perfect flesh. Pulling away I smile at the mark, as fingers slide along the impression.

Sliding back along her spine, my hips become slightly more erratic as I feel my end coming. By how she’s gasping, I can tell Mimi is close to, as her fingers twist around the snowy pillowcase. Nails dig into the perfect skin as I quickly drag them down her back, red marks following in their wake.

A smile comes to my face as I stare at my handiwork. No longer is the back perfect, now it’s marred, just like yours.

Pushing away the long hair, tossing it over Mimi’s shoulder and letting it trail over the side of the bed, my fingers trace over the elegant letters again, tracing once for Kimiko, before closing my eyes again. With my eyes closed, I can easily see you lying on the bed like this, your face twisting in pleasure, instead of Mimi’s.

My fingers trail back to the beginning of the lettering and this time I trace against the elegant letters, my mind remembering the scars that line your neck. I ignore the barbed wire that twists around you, instead focusing on the letters that I curse daily.

Mimi screams under me as she comes hard, her body shuddering in ecstasy. And I can feel her tighten around me, squeezing me tightly. Teeth dig into my lip as my hips thrust erratically, trying to get in the last couple seconds of pleasure before I finally come. Gasps fall from Mimi’s mouth as I thrust harshly, my fingers digging into her hip, as she rides out her orgasmic high.

Again I start at the beginning tracing the letters that I hate and love at the same time.

B…E…L…O…V…E…D

With a broken cry I thrust in deeply one last time, my hand pulling away from her neck to grab her hips, forcing myself in as deep as I can as I fill her with my seed. My toes curl as my back arches, eyes rolling back.

Silently as I come your name comes out as a broken whisper, something that she will luckily never hear. “Sou…bi.”

With a suddering breath I fall, bonelessly against her back, lips planting soft kisses onto her back as tears fall down my cheeks. I know she can feel the tears as they fall onto her back, yet she refuses to move, even if the position she is in must be uncomfortable- her legs shake slightly as Mimi tries to hold her hips up.

As I feel myself calm and the tears that I had silently cried dry I pull out of her, laughing as I listen to her gasp. Mimi is never completely satisfied, I doubt she will ever be.

Carefully I watch her roll back onto her back, pausing long enough to straighten out her hair (to keep from pulling it in the middle of the night). An arm drapes causally over face, blocking the right half from my side. And for a second I worry that maybe she is crying too. Except the same smile that she has had from the beginning still is shinning on her face.

A similar smile crosses my face as I lie down beside her. Carefully Mimi rolls over, her head lying carefully on my chest. And I find my fingers carding through her hair, carefully working out the snarls. Her eyes slowly close as sleep catches up with her. As sleep consumes her, I again close my eyes, imagining that it is you lying here.

That instead of the exotic blood purple hair I am carding my fingers through blond hair, working out the tangles from your hair. I can easily imagine that you are lying on chest, falling asleep. And with my hand lying over your head, while my other arm carefully drapes over you, I kiss the top of your head as sleep consumes me.

“Good night Soubi,” I whisper to myself as I feel fatigue finally take over.

I know tomorrow when I awaken I’ll be in the bed myself, Mimi always leaves early in the morning for some reason. Though it will make my dream of being with you all the more real.

And again, as I get into a warm shower I’ll feel all of those needles that I have removed from my heart, slide back into place again. I’ll feel the agony of them returning and I’ll cry until my tears have dried up and I am able to pretend that I don’t hurt because of you.

I’ll start the machosist cycle again, forcing myself to be around you all the time again as I dream of being with you and finding myself in Mimi’s willing arms again.

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Ack, that was hard to write. Anyways how was it? Any good? Or just horrible?