Voiceless

Title: Unforgivable

Pairing: Wolfram X Yuri

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings:

Summary: Wolfram needs advice and Yuri takes a long look in the mirror. (Vice versa actually.)

Chapter Number: #34

Author Note: Just to end this segment to leave room for fresher things in the future. Like weddings and honeymoons. And romance.

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Yuri had been wrong in his assumptions about the behavior he had expected from Wolfram in the weeks proceeding his evening with maou. He had expect Wolfram to begin a bit sullen and quiet, as he had, and then to go back to the bratty self that he had been slowly turning back into. However, he had been wrong. Wolfram seemed to have stayed in that sullen state. He went about his days as usual, conversing when necessary, but when nothing was asked of him he seemed to fade into the background without resistance.

Two weeks had gone by and Wolfram just seemed to have become quieter. Worse than that, though, he’d retreated back to his own room to sleep. If he visited in the night and then left before sunrise as he’d been known to do, Yuri would have been aware of it over the four nights he lay tossing and turning. It was either worries that kept him awake or nightmares. Nightmares of Wolfram with the maou, most often.

He didn’t understand why it was bothering him as much as it was. Wolfram had been attacked by the maou, that was what should bother him, but what was disturbing him the most was Wolfram’s ability to forgive so easily. Or maybe it was the means and situation under which he forgave. On the other hand, Yuri was having trouble believing it. All of it.

There was no way that someone as sensible Wolfram, albeit irrational when drowning in strong emotions, would think to correct a violent act of sex with a passionate act of sex. At least not from the same person! Yuri found himself believing more that Wolfram had consented because there was no other option. The maou had backed him into a corner where his only options were to go willingly or go with a fight. And to fight meant pain and humiliation. To fight would mean a second rape. A rape that might cause his loved one to forcedly place distance between them. Something Wolfram didn’t want to happen. Yuri thought that it would be just like Wolfram to selfishly consent to something if the only possible turn out could be good. It was also just like Wolfram to feel guilty only afterwards.

But that was unfair of him to think, and Yuri knew it. He tried to force himself to accept that Wolfram had done what he had to. He tried to force himself to be glad that the maou hadn’t hurt him so badly that he wouldn’t heal himself and that he couldn’t speak of it. He tried to, but it was an uphill battle and each passing moment that Wolfram was silent at his side (mentally absent which was the same as being gone) or hiding himself away he felt himself loosing that battle. He found himself to be bitter, and he found himself to be jealous.

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“I thought you two were done with this arguing,” Gwendal said to his youngest brother who was haunting his office rather than the Demon King’s that evening.

“We’re not arguing,” Wolfram said harshly. “What makes you think we’re arguing?” Gwendal huffed and laid down his pen, his blue eyes scanning his younger brother, making the blonde shift his weight uncomfortably.

“What doesn’t,” Gwendal said in a voice that almost sounded like a demand. “The arguments that you two have are starting to give me a headache, even if they’re silent. Every day it’s something different between you two, so what is it this time? Or am I not permitted to know?” Wolfram’s eyes lowered to the floor heavily.

“I did something wrong,” Wolfram confessed, feeling better when he had someone to tell it to. He had a feeling that if he told his mother he would be praised for giving Yuri competition rather than going willingly, and he knew that if he told Conrad there would be a morals lesson in his future. He wasn’t sure of anyone else to turn to, and turning into himself wasn’t working. He knew, or he hoped, that Gwendal would understand and offer advice without judgment or meaningless praise. Gwendal said things like they were. That was what Wolfram wanted.

“Are you sure that you specifically did something, or did the Demon King lead you to believe that?”

“It was me,” Wolfram said quietly. “Yuri said that he’s forgiven me, but I don’t believe that. There’s no way that he could—”

“Stop that,” Gwendal said in a voice that was as soft as Wolfram needed to remain confident in his decision to speak, but hard enough silence him. “All you mean to say is that you haven’t forgiven yourself, and your lack of confidence has you hiding away so that the Demon King can’t tell if you were sincere or not in your apology. You’re not easy to approach with questions as it is and behaving like a hermit is leaving the Demon King—your fiancé—to come to conclusions on his own.”

“I can’t forgive myself!” Wolfram defended. There were many valid points that Gwendal had made, but they all appeared to be easily corrected if he could “forgive himself”.

“And why is that?” Gwendal asked, looking down at his papers with disinterest.

“It was just something unforgivable,” Wolfram stammered unconfidently. He knew that Gwendal was the right person to turn to, but when it came to personal matters, personal and intimate matters, he found himself nearly too shy to mention it. He’d been wrong in his actions, and he knew that. The last thing he wanted was for someone to tell him so.

“Then move on without forgiveness,” Gwendal said, crossing his arms over his chest. “If it can’t be undone and it can’t be forgiven, then forget it—and if you just can’t forget it then do your best not to think about it. Over time it’ll be overshadowed by other arguments and other things in your life besides your love life and you’ll start to remember that there’s more going on on this planet than your romance with the Demon King!” Wolfram, unable to think of words with which to respond, stood before his brother’s desk with a slack jaw and wide, but still discontented, eyes.

What Gwendal said was true, but if Yuri could never wholly forgive him then their relationship would be at stake, and his dedication to Yuri meant more to him than life. If every fiber of his being was placed on his love for Yuri, then to have that love taken away would make him crumble. Life would cease to matter, no matter how foolish it sounded. His heart would keep beating, and his blood would keep flowing, his lungs would continue to fill with air, but he’d be dead. Even if he accepted that it was all over, his love, he would remain alive; he would go through his life as before, but with great reluctance and with great emptiness.

If Yuri was going to leave him soon, Wolfram decided, he was going to go to his side and lap up the last scraps of affection that he would ever receive. When he left, Gwendal wondered if he’d been too harsh.

~Alice Von Wonderland

Closing Note: One of those chapters to tie up the ends to lead into greater things ahead. Like honeymoons and weddings. I thought I would protagonize Gwendal since I’ve antagonized him so much in the past. (Yes, I know protagonized isn’t a word, I’m playing with words.) He is functioning as my little voice of wisdom. And I thought he’d be the one to dole out the truth the least candy coated. I hope you enjoyed this chapter over my last one. It seems that a lot of you liked it, but this one is a bit more favorable.

Alice Von Wonderland