Voiceless

Title: Everything and Nothing

Pairing: Wolfram X Yuri

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings:

Summary:

Chapter Number: #36

Author Note: I had intended to write more chapters this week since I was on spring break, but that never really happened. It was more or less running around looking for employment and being drug to weird people’s houses to eat weird food at weird hours watching basketball. I would much rather have been here.

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The room was hot, but not the air. Yuri lay beneath the covers, feeling as if he were being burned alive by the blankets and the part of his shoulder where Wolfram’s head lay was scalded and numb. Even the part of his nightshirt that was damp from Wolfram’s final emotional meltdown that ended in his unconsciousness. The tears weren’t tears of sadness, but more of joy or something close to it.

They were set to have a wedding in under twenty days. A winter wedding, just as Lady Celi had wanted. Over the previous two months the arrangements had been made, the people informed, the guests forewarned, the outfits decided, the colour scheme picked. Everything was ready, just not the calendar and Yuri had yet to decide whether or not he wanted to buy Wolfram a wedding ring, as was custom on earth, or just let him enjoy his engagement ring.

The news of the wedding may have made Wolfram collapse into tears of happiness nearly every time it was seriously discussed, but he and Lady Celi seemed to be the only two besides Greta who were thrilled with the idea. Conrad had become sensitive to the situation, avoiding it more often than speaking of it, and Gwendal had become nearly homicidal at the thought of it. When it came to support, they had only each other to stabilize themselves. Lady Celi’s excitement toppled them, as did Greta’s, and the displeasure from the other two brothers put more than a damper on Wolfram’s mood.

Absently, Yuri’s hand trailed through the mess of Wolfram’s hair that pooled on his shoulder. The place he had chosen to fall asleep, his body still lying atop the blankets and dressed in his nightdress. But what would happen after they married? There was the honeymoon he still had to worry about. Its location had already been decided, another trip to another island pretty close to the island on which Morgif had been retrieved. Its location wasn’t what Yuri was concerned about. Honeymoons were for alone time, and alone time for newly weds was only for one thing. Privacy, if one wanted to be naïve, and sex if one wanted to face the facts.

In all honesty, Yuri knew nothing about it except for the fact that it seemed to be same in both worlds. He also knew that Wolfram had the tendency to be the more dominant of them when the maou wasn’t around, and that idea was one that he had no taste for. He was also impartial to the idea of reenacting the scene between Wolfram and the maou. What if the maou was better and Wolfram preferred him? What if he did things intentionally to draw him out to be with him instead? Or what if, somehow, he, as himself, injured Wolfram when they were together? What then? Would Wolfram insist that he hadn’t done it? That the maou had momentarily taken over and caused the pain instead?

Wedding, fine. Yuri didn’t care if he got married or not, in fact, he was looking forward to the ceremony. But he did not want to go on that honeymoon, and the wedded life was not one that he was eagerly anticipating. While they were engaged Yuri was able to have a reason for turning Wolfram down when he shyly, so very uncharacteristically shyly, made suggestions. Once they were together he would not have that excuse. He would have to. It wouldn’t be fair to Wolfram to deny him that critical physical aspect of their relationship. While they were engaged Wolfram could not force him into it, but when they were together it was cruel to deny him.

To deny him then would make Wolfram truly believe that the whole thing was a setup and a lie. A marriage just to silence him, to make him speak of it no more. That wasn’t why Yuri was marrying him, and he didn’t want him to think that. However, it was irrational to believe that he could try to explain his tangled up thoughts and feelings to the lusty blonde who wanted everything and then nothing. He wanted love, he wanted attention, but if they were given for the wrong reasons or at the wrong moment he wanted none of it. When Yuri tried to hug him for no more reason than to feel touch, he’d been pushed away. When he hugged him after he’d collapsed into tears that very night, he was pulled closer.

…But the wedding was to be simple, Yuri reminded himself. There wasn’t even to be a reception afterwards. They would have a small meet-and-greet with everyone just before they were joined together, but they were to do most of the reception-like activities the day before. They would have a dinner, the important guests invited only, and then they would marry the next day. After they married they would leave, immediately, for their honeymoon.

Why was there no reception, many asked. Why? Because Yuri didn’t want one. How did he get away with taking away such an important part of Wolfram’s special day? By simply saying “Wolfram? Would it be alright if we didn’t have a reception? I’d like to leave as soon as possible.” Lady Celi made a few babbling comments, Gunter nearly screamed, Gwendal had grunted, and Wolfram turned three shades of crimson before calling him a wimp and saying it would save him the embarrassment of trying to dance with him, so yes.

At that moment, however, while lying in the burning room that was really cold, Yuri wanted everything and nothing as well. He wanted to be done with the engagement. He wanted to be done with the wedding and its ceremonies. He did not want a wedding. He did not want an engagement. And he did not want, under any circumstances, to face the horror that was a honeymoon. He wanted even less to say that to Wolfram’s face or to make those dreams come true.

There would be a wedding, a honeymoon…privacy. Yuri wouldn’t snatch that away from Wolfram when it made him so happy to even think about it that it brought tears to his eyes. At least Yuri hoped that they were tears of happiness. He didn’t know what he would do with himself if Wolfram were crying because he was pained.

That was what was true, however.

What Wolfram felt, Yuri felt as well. Wolfram was just as concerned about that one night and wished that it were over. Come and gone. What would that night consist of? Romance or horror? Would the maou arrive and ruin it? Crush it all in one powerful, and painful, thrust? Would he disapprove of the choice that Yuri had made…that Wolfram had forced him into? What was to happen?

He feared the future, and while the wedding did make him smile and feel overwhelmingly good about life, it did nothing to make tears well in his eyes. The tears were ones of pain and uncertainty, but he’d sooner die than let Yuri know that. He still had his pride, and fear on that single night was not going to make him look weak. Let the demon king think, believe, that he was sobbing from joy when he was really falling to pieces slowly. Let Yuri be naïve. It was safer that way, and that was how Wolfram wanted it.

Laying, pretending to sleep with his head so comfortably on Yuri’s shoulder, was peaceful. He didn’t have to think about much when proof of affection was right before him. If Yuri cared nothing for him, why would he stroke his hair in that way when he was not supposed to be awake to feel it? On the off chance that he really was awake? No. Yuri wasn’t that smart or that deceitful.

Wolfram wanted the world, and yet he was content to receive nothing. When the hand fell away, Yuri had fallen away as well. Wolfram joined him in sleep and fell away. Off of his shoulder and towards the other side of the bed where there was more space to move in the cooler sheets. Everything and nothing…they were quite a lot alike.

~Alice Von Wonderland

Closing Note: I don’t know what I’m doing, but I think the next chapter is the wedding. I was supposed to stop with all of this romantic drama, but I wanted to pass some time in this fic without depicting random and time consuming events that I care not to develop or guess at since they are irrelevant. Things such as picking colours and finding locations. I hope you do not mind.

Until Next Time

Alice Von Wonderland