Acceptance

Chapter One

A/N: Okay, so...I think this is the most pornish thing I've ever written but plot-wise it was oddly easy to write. Music-Beck 'E-pro'



“Suzaku,” Lelouch had lost the battle against frustration about three minutes into their venture, “If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t have asked you to-”

“Ordered, Lelouch,” Suzaku’s arms were crossed in defiance, “Ordered.”

Lelouch felt the distinct sting of his fingernails cutting into his palms. His arm twitched and Suzaku raised an eyebrow with a look of odd surprise on his face. Somehow the expression just made Lelouch a little more crazed when honestly he’d already never been so frustrated in his life.

“It’s important!” Lelouch surprised them both by yelling, each flinching a little at the volume. Still, Lelouch would not be deterred. “Do it!”

For a military man Suzaku seemed to have an unusually strong sense of free will. His face scrunched up into wrinkles and he yelled back, “No! You remember what that word means, right?! No, Lelouch.”

Lelouch felt his eyes pulse and his right hand twitched up towards his face by habit.

“Do it now!”

Suzaku seemed to calm, his body going from its rigid defiance to the state of the glassy-eyed far-away look he acquired every time he knelt down to say, ‘yes, my lord’.

Instead Suzaku said, “Lelouch if you take those contacts out I will hit you so hard.”

Over in the corner CC snorted, immediately hiding behind her ridiculous cheese-kun at their dual scowls, her gold eyes wide as she watched the verbal (so far by luck) volley. They turned towards each other again, as if some sort of bizarre magnet dictated the movement in a jerking pull. Lelouch moved his arm away from his chest in a sharp chopping motion that made Suzaku step back, again by habit.

Suzaku’s eyes narrowed and he tensed again and Lelouch flushed in embarrassment, unsettled by his own lack of control. Fifteen minutes in the same room and he was teetering on the edge of truly lashing out. There was a moment when he considered feeling unnerved by his unnatural emotional response but he dismissed the idea as useless theatrics. Nothing would be gained by showing his discomfort. Suzaku wasn’t the type of person to feel guilt in the face of emotional turmoil…not anymore.

Depression took the edge off of Lelouch’s frustration anyways. Still, he didn’t know what to say. Suzaku had become a wildcard, alternating violently between reluctant pity, detached obedience and frighteningly earnest rage.

Lelouch took a moment to dissect his own motives and then clenched his jaw, unmoving and silent as he stood with his arms limp at his sides; his own method of obedience to Suzaku’s infrequent but always vehement demands.

“Then leave.” Lelouch kept his voice flat, letting his mind clear of the self-realization of his own unconscious sentimentalism. For once he was glad that at least in this aspect of Zero Requiem Suzaku wasn’t dissecting his every statement in search of subtle falsehoods, or blatant ones for that matter. He felt CC comply with his order, nothing but a subtle displacement of air as she moved silently out into the hallway, closing the door behind her while Suzaku stood tall in flash of stubborn defiance.

“Say please.” Suzaku murmured.

Lelouch knew that if he complied without argument then there was the chance that Suzaku would immediately wonder why and perhaps even come to a correct conclusion that there was some significance attached to their quickly-aborted endeavor. Lelouch’s only option was to retreat if he wanted to keep a shred of dignity intact.

The very moment he decided on his particular course of action Suzaku took one step to the side, standing between Lelouch and the door.

The movement was automatic, instinctual and though Lelouch wasn’t the only predator in the room he was the only civilian. He was fully aware that Suzaku had the ability to stand in one place unmoving for hours, perhaps even days. It wouldn’t come to that, it couldn’t, but again Lelouch’s refusal would surely result in one of Suzaku’s rare occasions of thinking his way through a situation that didn’t involve heavy fire or strategic insanity.

Lelouch’s brain whirled and dissected and broke down only to rebuild and destroy again, going through solution after solution all of which were impossible to stomach…all, and Lelouch nearly sighed in relief, but one. Pulling at his ring finger Lelouch took off his gloves and with one careful, learned movement he unlatched the chain at his throat, letting his heavy cloak slide off of his shoulders and onto the ground.

Then Lelouch unzipped his body suit and began to unbutton the shirt beneath, his eyes locked with an infuriatingly perfect example of indestructible Japanese pride.

Pulling the pin out of his cravat Lelouch let the pristine silk fall to the floor, the carefully tailored shirt immediately following. He forced his feet out of his shoes, ignoring the pain and leaving his socks behind. Still staring into slowly widening green eyes he let the fingers of his right hand fall to his hip where he pulled at the fabric and unlatched the metal catch to pull down the zipper it hid. In silence the sound of metal on metal was ridiculously loud and finally, finally Suzaku’s body language announced subtle discomfort and those green eyes blinked.

Lelouch was down to his black tank top and his scant underwear when Suzaku shifted nervously and said, “Lelouch, what the hell are you doing-”

Inside Lelouch felt an intense measure of anger that Suzaku had pushed him so far as he pulled off the tank top, the movement sending his hair into disarray and briefly blocking his view. When it was dropped, joined with the circle of clothing on the ground, Suzaku’s subtle discomfort was blatant in every movement of his body, in the twist of his expression and in the blush high on his cheeks.

With every bit of clothing Lelouch had pulled apart the vestige of Zero, the man Suzaku loathed and hated and would defy until it was absolutely necessary to accept, and was back down the bare vulnerability of himself. Zero would never expose himself in such a way and because of it, despite the purple fabric at Lelouch’s feet, Zero’s presence had faded into nothing.

It was simple psychology and now in Suzaku’s eyes Lelouch was simply Lelouch, nothing but himself, nearly naked but still confident in his last bit of pride. Suzaku’s blush began to spread across his face attached to an odd, cornered expression that turned the tables on their little exchange tidily.

Lelouch Lamperouge narrowed his eyes and murmured, “Leave.”

Kururugi Suzaku turned on his heel and did as he was told.

When the door had slammed behind him Lelouch picked up his official white robes and began to change. He felt absolutely no satisfaction in another brief triumph and that in itself was enough to make him frown.

He sat down on a nearby chair and picked up the clothing on the ground, folding every item carefully, slowly, letting his fingers run down the seams, memorizing the rough texture of the outer layers and the silk lining inside even caressing the cheap cotton of the black tank top. Even that he folded carefully, smoothing the creases into tight lines and wishing he had a hanger for the silk shirt. He pinned the gloves together using the cravat pin.

And then it all went into his oversized titanium briefcase, shoes, socks, everything and when Lelouch pushed the lid down the sound of the locks engaging made him flinch.

Lelouch stared at the briefcase for a long time, hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He stared until the setting sun cast the room into a hazy darkness, and when CC walked in with cat’s feet Lelouch let her hold him while he cried.

*

The throne room was packed with supplicants and aides, advisors and scientists when Suzaku entered, marched up the stairs to face the throne, bowed stiffly and announced, “Your highness, I would be honored if you would give me one more chance to succeed in our earlier venture.”

Lelouch’s heart gave one hard beat and Earl Asplund threw up his arms and yelled, “Suzaku-kun!” continuing in his usual high-pitched, mindless delight to laugh wildly for no particular reason at all. His assistant winced and bowed, apologizing with a practiced sigh.

“Sir Kururugi, I happen to be busy at the moment.” Lelouch pressed his lips together and nearly winced when Lloyd’s eyes immediately sharpened, looking down with a giggle and a quirked smile as he paused, stretching a sudden tension with amused silence. “Ehh, it can wait…” The Earl flapped a hand and his assistant’s eyes widened in surprise.

“I’m sure our wonderful Knight of Zero and Your Majesty have better things to do than listen to me babble,” Lloyd started backing down the stairs, bowing, “I’ll send you papers! Reports! Specs!”

Lelouch only stared as he left, watching as the next person in line froze mid-step, his mouth snapping closed in the face of Suzaku’s glare. Lelouch just waved the man away. He continued to stare, Suzaku continued to scowl, and the room emptied with admirable haste.

The silence was not nearly as unnerving as Suzaku’s presence beside his elbow.

Either Suzaku had suddenly acquired a number of IQ points or the thrice-damned witch had talked.

But Lelouch couldn’t imagine what she could say to spurn Suzaku’s sudden and depressingly honest earnestness…and the pity it must be riding on. Suzaku couldn’t possibly know but it was that poorly hidden pity that made Lelouch pace his room at night, waking in cold sweats, and not any kind of overwhelming guilt. He often wondered if Suzaku’s pity was some kind of passive aggressive revenge for not embracing remorse, if it revenge for ignoring the dead.

“I’m in no mood to go through that farce again. Leave me to do my duty, Suzaku.”

“This is your duty.” Suzaku’s voice tightened, “It is your foremost duty to facilitate Zero Requi-”

Lelouch twisted, rage giving him sudden speed and surprise as an advantage. Suzaku doubled over, eyes wide as he braced himself on the throne and gasped for the oxygen Lelouch had forcefully dispelled with his fist. Lelouch wanted to hit Suzaku again, he desperately wanted to bruise some part of his face, some part Suzaku couldn’t hide, but he grabbed a fistful of Suzaku’s hair instead.

“You just love to say it,” Lelouch hissed, his grip tightening until Suzaku winced, “Requiem requiem requiem requiem-”

He shook his head and grasped for sudden control over the desperate, sick feeling making him falter, running like ice down his skin. Lelouch released his hold and pushed Suzaku away, hissing, “Forget it, Suzaku, just fucking forget about it.”

Lelouch stood and tried to turn, strategic retreat, but Suzaku grabbed a handful of his robe and yanked him back again, a frown of pure determination on his face.

“It’s okay,” Suzaku whispered, “to be afraid.”

“You idiot,” Lelouch tried to fling him off but Suzaku was determined, wrapping his arms around Lelouch’s waist and clutching him so close that even Lelouch’s arms became useless for anything but ineffective flailing. When Suzaku didn’t relent to his frustrated growl Lelouch repeated the statement in vehement Japanese, using every curse and dirty phrase he had learned with the Black Knights that could possibly apply to the situation and even some that didn’t.

Suzaku’s eyes widened, making him look frighteningly young in bare surprise, but his grip didn’t falter. If anything he held Lelouch more closely.

“Lelouch, calm down.” Suzaku’s hand splayed on Lelouch’s side and he could feel every finger, every point of the pads digging in hard enough to bruise.

The words were futile. Lelouch was past the point of any conceivable calm, and from the look on Suzaku’s face he knew it too. Suzaku had caught a tiger by the tail and he didn’t seem to have a clue what to do with it now that Lelouch was firmly in his grip. The trick of it was to keep moving, the animal part of Lelouch’s brain whispered, keep moving until his grasp loosens and then you can-

Lelouch froze as Suzaku’s hand gripped the back of his neck and pressed their lips together, his eyes hooded and his mouth hot when Lelouch opened his own to struggle for breath. The hand on his nape, ungloved Lelouch realized from the slide of rough callouses on his skin, slid up into Lelouch’s hair to palm the back of his head. There was only the barest tug but Lelouch tilted his head to the side, allowing Suzaku to move him at will, giving control away for a moment with a shiver and a gasped breath as acute panic and desperateness turned into something else.

With his fists clutching the fabric over Suzaku’s shoulders, Suzaku pressed nearer until they were holding each other almost painfully, so close that it became hard to breathe, to exhale and inhale, and Lelouch was dangerously lightheaded when Suzaku forced his mouth open and slipped his tongue inside.

He wanted to say ‘get off, get off’ but Lelouch never lied unless it was for gain, so he let Suzaku bite his jaw, his lip, and let him control a kiss that had Lelouch seeing black. Lelouch closed his eyes to concentrate on the sensation of Suzaku’s hot, searching kisses and the slick sound of his moan against Lelouch’s mouth when Lelouch spread his legs and cradled Suzaku between.

There was finally one solid fact about the exchange for Lelouch to hoard and examine later; Suzaku wasn’t faking. Suzaku thrust against him and Lelouch threw his head back, whimpering when Suzaku’s hand slipped from his hip to the back of his thigh, opening Lelouch and lifting him up past the point of caution to grind them both together. In only a moment Suzaku had his other thigh in hand and Lelouch, blushing hotly, wrapped his legs around Suzaku’s waist, throwing his head back to expose his neck to Suzaku’s teeth, lips, tongue.

When the crown fell Lelouch registered the dull thud but all he could feel was Suzaku’s upraised hand on his face, cupping his cheek as he groaned into Lelouch’s skin, whispering nonsense in between sucking kisses and the sharp sting of teeth. Lelouch couldn’t make out the words through his own reluctant moans, couldn’t make much out of anything at all when Suzaku thrust against him again with harsh, ragged gasps, inhaling greedily as his movements lost their fluidity and he suddenly froze. A loud cry was only slightly muffled by Lelouch’s shoulder between Suzaku’s teeth signifying…signifying…after a moment the movement started up again and Suzaku gave a sigh that could have been a breathless laugh followed by words Lelouch could clearly understand through his own gasps.

“Lelouch…Lelouch, let me have this,” Suzaku’s voice was raw and starkly pleading, his words pressed against Lelouch’s neck, against the corner of his lips as Suzaku grasped one thigh and slid his fingers into Lelouch’s hair. He made Lelouch look down with that gentle grip. Green eyes were framed by clumped wet lashes and his eyes shone, though his face was dry. Suzaku’s expression echoed his words.

“Wha-” The word was broken by a low moan, but Lelouch he…had to try.

“Suzaku.” And that was a plea too, though for what Lelouch didn’t know. For mercy, perhaps? To stop his tongue and close those eyes.

“Give this to me…” Suzaku was flushed and Lelouch could feel the heat of it against his own cheeks as Suzaku whispered, “One thing just for me, Lelouch, god, please-”

Say please.

Suzaku whispered the word over and over again, his hold merely an embrace as Lelouch listened, grimaced, and decided. He grabbed a handful of wild brown hair and leaned down, slowly, to catch Suzaku’s lips and then mingle their mouths, becoming softer in Suzaku’s arms as he shed himself down in his mind just as he had only a day before. And when Lelouch pulled away Suzaku knew his answer, breathing through his mouth as he stared, not even blinking as one hand traveled down. Ignoring the burn in his thighs Lelouch kept his legs around Suzaku’s waist, shaking with anticipation as Suzaku bared him with a few deft moves and then wrapped his hand around Lelouch’s exposed genitals, massaging his cock with a slow, tight grip.

The pleasure that shot through Lelouch’s body made him arch but had it been necessary Lelouch knew he could have bitten off the vocal response.

Instead Lelouch looked down at Suzaku’s rapt stare and fought to keep his eyes open through a deep, trembling moan. Suzaku’s movements increased suddenly in speed and technique and Lelouch lost the last fight for dignity, throwing his head back with a surprised shout. He could feel Suzaku’s hands on his cock, a few individual fingers doing something that made Lelouch yell out again, his own fingers digging into Suzaku’s back as he tried and failed to thrust upward into the touch. He was still pinned to the side of the throne

The idea nearly made Lelouch laugh, but Suzaku said, “Look at me. Look at me right now, Lelouch,” and Lelouch became too busy trying to open his eyes. He did finally and he managed to laugh weakly outside the pleasure. Suzaku tilted his head, and Lelouch whispered, “It’s…been some time…since someone asked me to do that…and,” Lelouch grimaced through another groan, trying to keep his eyes open, “It was you. The last time it was-”

“Lelouch,” Suzaku was begging again if only with his wet eyes. What Suzaku was begging for Lelouch couldn’t know, his thoughts were ceased by three hard pulls and his mouth was full of desperate sobs as Suzaku worked him through an orgasm that took hold of his heart, his carefully hidden emotions, and twisted hard.

Lelouch went limp in Suzaku’s arms, his face buried against the rough collar of his uniform as he gasped his way into life, riding the pleasure with every bit of his hidden self exposed as he clutched Suzaku close, muffling his agonized whisper of, “…god…Suzaku…please…”

He registered his feet touching the ground and Suzaku carefully tucking him to order, but still clutched close Lelouch exhaustedly slipped into darkness with Suzaku’s hand on his neck, brushing through his hair damp with sweat, as Lelouch mouthed a phrase that Suzaku would never, never hear.

***

“You had one too many dance lessons as a child.” Suzaku said dryly two days later, while he fidgeted in discomfort. He scratched his arm, shifted his weight, and made a face that had CC giggling into her hand. Suzaku glared and she only laughed harder, sitting back to watch with bright eyes and artfully displayed limbs.

“It was the fencing, actually.” Lelouch zippered his jumpsuit, putting himself together with bare hands. The flash of bare flesh seemed to make Suzaku breathe a little more easily despite the fact that the gloves were part of the costume. Lelouch grabbed the collar of the cape from one corner and it whipped through the air with a flourish before settling perfectly on his shoulders. Lelouch straightened his stance and the cape swung inward, wrapping around his body like a cocoon.

Suzaku grit his teeth and growled, “Fencing my ass.”

“There may also have been some ice skating involved,” Lelouch smiled a little, “Some gymnastics…One can only beat their siblings at chess so many times before winning becomes tiresome.”

Lelouch made sure everything was settled appropriately but his hand faltered before it could reach the mask, flinching backwards before settling beneath the cape. He looked up to see Suzaku staring at the mask, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“It’s not the same without it,” CC said, smiling softly just at him,

“There’s a difference.”

“Is there?”

“Oh, yes.” She sighed softly before holding her plush toy close. “Isn’t that how you planned it, Lelouch?”

Lelouch didn’t respond, he didn’t need to, but he did look Suzaku in the eye as he picked up the mask and settled it over his face.

“The gloves also,” CC whispered, limp on the couch as she watched with hooded eyes.

If Lelouch was a different person with the mask on, Suzaku was too. The awkwardness of their exchange had faded and his face displayed determined aggression, just as it always did through the tinted faceplate. Suzaku watched his bare hands vigilantly as Lelouch picked up and pulled on the gloves, warming them up by stretching his fingers, moving them like spider’s legs in front of Suzaku’s narrowing eyes.

“Suzaku,” Lelouch activated the visor and Suzaku looked up, surprised, “I would appreciate it if you could not make this more difficult than it already is. Remember, I’m doing this for you.”

Which was a partial lie. Lelouch was participating for himself too. He took off the mask and murmured, “The difference isn’t worth the trouble.” Suzaku seemed to calm, and a little of the rosy blush returned when Lelouch took a few strides forward.

“You’ll have to shorten your stride and let your shoulders loosen a bit for the day to day activities,” Lelouch ran a gloved finger over Suzaku’s shoulder, following the slope to his jaw. He pushed Suzaku’s chin up a little with a crooked finger and said, “You’ll be tempted to let your head roll forward for the weight of the mask, but that will expose your neck.”

“A-alright.”Suzaku murmured, his blush deepening. He looked odd with his tank top and shorts now that Lelouch was so used to seeing him in finery and he knew that in Zero’s costume Suzaku would seem odder still.

“The high collar will create a blind spot, but it will keep most of your face covered if you are forced to remove the mask for some reason. You’ll have to learn to stand with your back to a wall, or a column, or some such thing. If the lack of peripheral vision bothers you too much just tailor it to your needs, but wait a few weeks.”

Lelouch faltered for a moment, caught on the shine left behind when Suzaku wet his mouth, biting the full of the lower lip with white, sharp teeth. Remembering their sting Lelouch almost touched the bruise at his jaw, the other at the crook of his neck…CC giggled and they both flushed as their eyes turned briefly to other parts of the room before returning once again as if they’d never looked away. Rolling his eyes Lelouch let Suzaku’s jaw go free and took a step back.

For a moment he wondered how he was supposed to act without his usual set script. Zero’s trademark movements always came more easily caught up in the motion of a confrontation or a heated discussion. Standing in front of Suzaku’s quiet expectation was asking a bit much of himself, he knew, and even more from Suzaku.

“Lelouch-” Suzaku frowned and Lelouch held up a finger, grateful that the second cloth mask was hiding his scowl.

“Hush. I’m thinking.”

“No shit,” Suzaku put his hands on his hips, “Is this going to take awhile or should I-”

Lelouch lifted his elbow so that the cape would fall open at his chest and then extended his arm, fingers curled and slightly loose with the speed, ending with his palm down and a single finger extended. When Suzaku’s startled silence was established Lelouch raised his arm a few degrees until the finger, angled downward with a casual gesture to point in the general direction of Suzaku’s parted mouth. With the same movement he crooked his left arm, straight-backed and moved it enough that the cape parted to expose the full of his costume from neck to foot.

It was an instant, instinctual, and Lelouch looked at with Suzaku with angry, narrowed eyes and yelled a carefully clipped, “Silence!”

Then he held his breath.

CC burst into hysterical laughter from the result, falling off the couch with a thud and taking pizza boxes and cushions with her. Her hair was fanned out in every direction, her legs still half on the couch, and there were actual tears in her eyes when Lelouch rolled his own, turning back to Suzaku…who had his mouth snapped shut and his hand up in salute.

Letting his hands drop to his sides Lelouch returned to his previous cocooned state, standing stock still, eyes forward, as a small part of his mind joined CC on the floor. Suzaku’s alternating looks of confusion, frustration and red-faced embarrassment did nothing to help him recover from that state.

“It is necessary to express your moods and demands in action and as few words as possible.” Lelouch took a breath and smirked at Suzaku’s expression, “The average person will respond more quickly with this method…especially those already trained to obey.”

Suzaku’s face twisted as he let his hand drop and Lelouch added, “Not that I think you’re average.”

“You can shove average straight up your-” Suzaku growled in frustration, grasped a handful of his own hair and ground out,

”What. Next.”

“Also,” Lelouch added, “The mask will give your voice an echoing effect, adding to the depth and resonance. It’s not a sound that I can replicate without it…the mask really does make a difference, Suzaku.”

“Pff,” Suzaku crossed his arms and glowered, “Modesty’s not your strong suit, Lelouch. Keep to the facts. Just…just show me how you did it you scheming son of a bitch.”

CC finally dragged herself back up to the couch, gasping for breath and uncharacteristically flushed with a slice of pizza in one outstretched hand. She met Suzaku’s scowl with a snort and a big bite of pepperoni.

Lelouch took the cape from his own shoulders and settled it on Suzaku’s, holding the ends together as Suzaku figured out the latch on his own.

“It’s tight,” He murmured, shifting uncomfortably.

“It makes you a smaller target,” Lelouch sighed, already tired just from the look of Suzaku swathed in royal purple. The color didn’t suit him at all. “And the overall effect makes you look unnaturally tall.”

“Yes, it does.” Suzaku seemed far away, his eyes unfocused, “…the first time from far away, under that shaft of light you seemed…it frightened me a little. I would have recognized your voice if I hadn’t been so frightened. I think. I don’t know.”

Lelouch swallowed, and murmured, “When you move your arms they should be rigid but always let your fingers stay loose before your movement comes to a stop. Speak with your hands. Some part of your fingers should be angled, it looks-”

“-odd, but it catches the eye. You end up looking at the hand instead of the mask pretty much all of the time.”

“Yes,” Lelouch sighed and allowed himself to smile, “Dancing, fencing, performing…it was all very much about the hands.”

“And you,” Suzaku reached out and the cape shifted awkwardly, “You have wonderful hands.”

He took one hand and pulled the glove off with a tug, cupping it with one of his own to examine, to trace a finger across the lines of Lelouch’s palm. Lelouch’s hand curled slightly from the touch and Suzaku whispered, “I knew these hands…towards the end I watched them. I watched them all the time-”

It took a great deal of restraint not to grab Suzaku and-

“Well, it’s important.” Lelouch’s voice trembled and he was careful not to meet Suzaku’s glance. He was careful not to remember what Suzaku’s palm had felt like as he touched- “And don’t forget your other arm. If you only move one it seems like posing rather than a command.”

“How?” Suzaku dropped his hand, but he slid Lelouch’s warm glove onto his own.

“Put a hand on your hip or just angle your elbow under the cape. The only reason you would expose both arms would be for something very important, very drastic. It exposes your entire body, and it’s better to give only short glimpses when you need to remind the people that there’s a person inside the costume.”

“Uniform.” Suzaku corrected, his eyes earnest and hard. Lelouch laughed weakly, “As you say.”

Suzaku sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair. He scowled as the process was hampered by the cape, making natural movements difficult. Lelouch knew that in time Suzaku would understand the necessity of dramatics but he could only watch, feeling a little sad as Suzaku struggled to center himself. They were both used to walking around with heavy fabric swinging from their shoulders but Zero’s cloak was different; it clung more closely in a number of different ways. Suzaku looked red and uncomfortable and stifled.

“What are you thinking?” Suzaku demanded abruptly, suddenly too close, “What’s that look in your eyes?”

“Back off, Suzaku.”

“No, tell me.” Suzaku’s arms folded into the cape, creating a familiar silhouette. He leaned forward, taking his few extra inches of height to full advantage by looking down with a shrewd, narrow gaze. Lelouch frowned.

“Apparently we can’t be alone together for more than a half hour.” Lelouch turned to walk away and was startled to see that CC had gone. Her absence made his steps falter and gave Suzaku just enough time to grab him by the elbow and swing him back around.

Suzaku hissed, looking as if he was trying to ignore a great pain, looking too wild, rabid and Lelouch jerked backwards at the sight. If it had been a conscious movement Suzaku would have been able to straighten them out but Lelouch had been startled into alarm. One half of his body went one way while Suzaku held the other and he tripped backwards, Suzaku’s grip slipping on the slick fabric of Lelouch’s arm as his left hand got caught up in the movement-restricting cloak. The low table did nothing to break Lelouch’s fall.

“Damn you, Suzaku,” Lelouch rolled to his side with a hand over his ribs. The sharp edge of the mahogany had at least cracked something, he could feel it, and the sharp pain brought tears to Lelouch’s eyes, growing with every breath. Suzaku’s hand came into his blurry vision as the man fell to one knee, making a choked noise that Lelouch was unable to quantify without seeing his face.

“…Lelouch, I didn’t…”

“Shut up.” Lelouch growled back, “What I don’t need from you are pleasant lies.”

The hand reached closer and Lelouch smacked it away, groaning when his ribs protested again. There was a moment of silence so dense that Lelouch felt as if he was being forced down to the floor again, those same tanned fingers on his face, his eye, his body bound and his mind raging in madness and fear.

Lelouch laughed, pitiful and tired as he wondered if Suzaku was yet again working against him with purpose or if animal intimidation was just Suzaku’s natural response to perceived weakness.

He didn’t even know any more. He couldn’t tell. The world was spinning too fast, everything was going too quickly, and though he hated himself for it Lelouch was self-aware enough to know that with every plodding day he was encroaching on true fear, true weakness. Suzaku’s premature reaction to what they could both see coming on the horizon was only making the reality approach with greater speed and force. Lelouch wanted to die as an emperor but Suzaku kept reminding him that he was only a man, if that.

Revenge… it was perfect revenge to push Lelouch towards death as he was now, ensuring that he would go hand in hand with regret and terror.

“I’m going to end this right now.” Lelouch whispered, raising his head to meet Suzaku’s agitated frown, “Stand up.”

Suzaku’s eyes began to harden, solidifying under the order, and Lelouch, desperate, hissed, “Suzaku, you have taken this game too far. Stand or bow, but make your choice.”

Suzaku, proud, self-righteous Suzaku got off of his knee and stood, finally looking regal in Zero’s cloak, his resting hands hidden by the swing of fabric as he glared down. He didn’t even need a mask, Lelouch realized, not when he could wrap his features into such an icy cold.

Not for the first time Lelouch’s sudden relief made him euphoric, nearly giddy as the tension of desperate waiting was lifted from his shoulders. The pain in his side was a peripheral ache as he rose, kneeling at Suzaku’s feet and not bothering an attempt to stand…that had been Suzaku’s choice and now all there was left to do was bow.

Lelouch lifted his hand and pulled down the skintight mask, tugging it to his throat to reveal the bareness of his face and knowing that willing abasement could be read in the act and in his eyes. He knew how he appeared because as a child his voluntary embrace of humiliation had been the only thing keeping him and his sister alive, groveling like an incompetent while he let rage loose inside the hidden echoes of his heart and mind.

The rage was gone though, replaced by a curious calm as Lelouch gripped two handfuls of slick fabric and pushed Zero’s cloak aside.

The only thing that kept Suzaku from backing away was Lelouch’s grip on his thighs. Lelouch clenched the skin until his own fingers began to ache while a part of him frowned at Suzaku’s hesitance when he himself had none.

Suzaku smelled different but not unpleasant, nothing worth aversion, but Lelouch was being careful to go slow, learning in careful measures rather than letting himself be overwhelmed. He knew the basics: no hard edges, control the gag reflex, draw out the experience for the receiver’s increased satisfaction, and ignore the indignities of inviting Suzaku to…well, best not to dwell on that, really. Generally their anatomy was very similar, which was immensely helpful and remarkably like knowing the questions to be asked before having to take the test.

With his thumbs on the elastic of Suzaku’s boxers Lelouch pulled, making the slit gape and exposing the flesh beneath. Lelouch was momentarily surprised but that moment passed quickly. Everyone reacted to absolute power over an individual in different ways. Lelouch reveled in the feeling of ownership and exercised it in minute degrees to revel in the sensation, like sipping fine wine. Suzaku was already aroused, swelling before Lelouch could do anything but breathe, exhaling and unconsciously seducing with
sudden heat and the press of proximity.

When had Suzaku’s arousal been triggered? Had it been when pulled Lelouch back with violence in his mind? Or perhaps he had started to harden when Lelouch was on the ground curled into his injury.

Maybe, and the thought delighted Lelouch in a peripheral spark, Suzaku had stirred when Lelouch ordered him to rise, growling and frustrated at Suzaku’s lack of capitulation, close to begging. No matter, the reason wasn’t necessary, just the result. Lelouch pulled Suzaku’s underwear down, carefully minding the growing erection beneath.

Lelouch considered his options as he reached up and hurried the growth along, licking his hand before fisting Suzaku’s cock into full hardness and ignoring the agonized moan that resembled his own name. He estimated that the beginning process had taken about forty-five seconds and stilled his hand at the base before drawing his tongue from his own flesh to Suzaku’s tip. He spent a little time there getting used to the taste and feel with his tongue and his lips until he felt assured that Suzaku’s length and girth had stabilized. He covered his teeth.

Lelouch brought Suzaku’s erection into his mouth and began to suck, drawing it in deeper, moving his tongue for extra stimulation…and slightly annoyed to recognize that he had been salivating long before Suzaku grabbed a fistful of his hair and attempted to thrust. The snap of his hips was too sudden and Lelouch had to abandon his experimentation to silently fight down his gag reflex.

“Sorry, sorry,” Suzaku sounded like he was about to cry, his voice so small as his fist turned into an open palm, splayed gently against the contours of Lelouch’s skull. Was there pity there in that sudden care? Lelouch looked up to see that Suzaku’s eyes were nearly shut, his face contorted in what looked like pain as he gasped shallowly. When Lelouch moved his hand in a slow, firm slide Suzaku’s mouth dropped open a few degrees, the sliver of green between his eyelids eclipsed as he whined like a spoiled child in a candy store.

No, not pity, need. Lelouch nodded, satisfied that Suzaku was already to the point where he would do anything to get what he wanted, even display an admittedly convincing show of concern and tenderness. In curiosity Lelouch fanned his hand one side of Suzaku’s cock and pressed his cheek to the other watching in fascination as the act made Suzaku’s eyes open wide and his face blush deep red as, seeming astonished, he whispered, “Lelouch.”

He nearly snorted. Had Suzaku somehow forgotten that the person sucking his cock was Lelouch vi Brittania, once friend, now hated companion? It would explain the sudden panicked look on his face as Lelouch took hold again with narrowed eyes and adjusted Suzaku’s erection in such a way that Suzaku would have no difficulty observing as Lelouch licked his length up to the tip with the flat of his tongue. Suzaku brought his right hand up and the last thing Lelouch saw was Suzaku biting savagely into his own palm. The cloak encircled Lelouch, cutting him off from the world outside and trapping him with the shadowed view of Suzaku’s leaking cock.

Considering the situation his sudden isolation was entirely appropriate, Lelouch decided. It reminded him that this kneeling foray into sex was an act to adequately illustrate Lelouch’s acceptance of Suzaku’s dominance. The look on Suzaku’s face, his movements and exhortations meant nothing except that Lelouch’s attempt was bringing about emotion if not understanding. If he had to, Lelouch would make his acceptance even clearer in the end though the thought already made him grimace and flush with embarrassment.

Lelouch let his grip go, dug his fingers into Suzaku’s hips and made him thrust into his mouth, gag reflex be damned. As in most things once Lelouch gave his all, spurned by frustration, the answer came to him in short order. Suzaku’s hand tightened painfully in Lelouch’s hair and he cried out, sudden orders falling from his lips with vehemence, only the barest bit muffled by the cloak. The world came back into focus when Suzaku parted the fabric again.

Lelouch gave himself over with swift compliance under Suzaku’s guiding grip, both hands in his hair now and unrepentant as he took what he wanted, fucking Lelouch’s mouth without the ridiculous bother of manners. Still, Lelouch kept his hand on Suzaku’s hips as Suzaku told Lelouch to take it, open wider, open his eyes; Lelouch complied, distracted momentarily by Suzaku’s anguished expression as he said, “God, Lelouch, your mouth…you look…shit…why do you have to so damn beauti-”

He was saved from the shivering, panicked contemplation of those words as Suzaku tried to groan a warning, his thrusts becoming erratic as Suzaku started to-

Lelouch blushed away his pride, pushed Suzaku’s hips away from his aching jaws, grabbed the base of Suzaku’s cock and forced Suzaku to come on his face.

Suzaku made a sound Lelouch had heard dying men make, thrusting hard enough that Lelouch couldn’t keep him from dipping briefly into his mouth, depositing bitter, thick liquid in and over his lips.

But then, and Lelouch would have smiled in satisfaction if he wasn’t gasping for air, Suzaku used his grip on Lelouch’s hair to hold Lelouch’s head in place, making him unable to move even if he desired to do so as that same thick liquid hit his face in strands.

There was more of it than Lelouch had expected so by the time Suzaku let him free he felt covered in the stuff, some of it mingling with the saliva dripping down his neck but most on his jaw, his lips, his cheeks, even some clinging to the shell of his ear. Some of it was in his hair Lelouch predicted, but he couldn’t tell with the sweat that made his usually loose strands cling to his temple and the back of his neck.

For a moment Lelouch wondered how he looked before sprawling back on his ass, nothing but the damned table keeping him upright above the waist. His fatigue, the sudden aches remembered after adrenalin, his heavy mind nearly made Lelouch lose his purpose. He moved back up to his knees, panting and unusually weary as he lifted Suzaku’s boxers back up, saving him from the indignity of realizing his limp cock was still exposed.

When he sat back again Lelouch made sure to catch Suzaku’s eyes. He lifted his hand and swiped the fingers Suzaku had so admired down his own cheek, coating them before languidly licking the bitter liquid off. Lelouch pushed his fingertips through his covered lips to suck briefly as Suzaku watched, rapt and concentrating, or perhaps memorizing the process and the expressions on Lelouch’s face.

“Stop fighting me, Suzaku,” Lelouch murmured hoarsely as he repeated the act again, “You won every part of me the moment I gave you Zero…I’ll give you anything you want, but at least let me keep my fear.”

Lelouch wanted nothing but a painkiller, a shower, and his bed but he stayed under Suzaku’s stare, pulling ruined silk from his neck and slowly shrugging out of a carefully unzipped suit. He freed himself from the sweating heat inside but not the pain and winced as he pulled his arm from a sleeve, making one helpless, hurt noise before giving up, half in and half out.

Suzaku’s expression finally settled between something that looked like anger and fear, and Lelouch finally relaxed, knowing from experience what turmoil of emotions manifested in such a visage.

Presented suddenly with the fact that a person, a unique individual with a mind of their own, has given themselves entirely to your orders, even your whims…the first time it had happened Lelouch had been furious that someone would give him such responsibility and horrified at the thought of what he would be able to do with it, what he could effortlessly accomplish with a single life at his disposal. Suzaku clenched his eyes shut and put his hands on his face, his flush going pale. His eyes were on anything but Lelouch as he ripped off the cape, turned and left, not even bothering to close the door behind him. The guard at the door had to do it instead with one nearly silent click as the lock engaged.

Lelouch stood, undressed, and staggered to the shower as he wondered which one of them had left the vestiges of Zero behind.

***

A/N: Next up...revelations and, um, porn...